(0133) sooner or later

failing to understand your present point of view. your voice is slowly fading away anyway. taste the sarcasm dripping from every word. because when the shit hits the fan, we won't help you clean it up. you have my name and number. you know where to find me. four years today. four years today. four years too late to say.

(0132) a fictional reminder

i don't see you. i don't feel you. i don't know you anymore. you're a one-way road; your blood doesn't flow as fast as it once did. and i'm forever in the dark; forever caught between the cracks. a finger slips, and i bite my lip, but the alcohol wears off. people don't know who they are. they've lost themselves somewhere along the way, and although we're all just temporary, i'd like to believe that a part of me will somehow find a way to stay. so i try to write down stupid words, absurd and selfish as it may seem, which i hope can somehow eventually mean something to someone else... someone else besides me. and it's so fucking intangible... so fucking out of reach.

it's time to wake up, and it's time to sleep. and it's time to leave. it's time to grieve. it's time to melt, and it's time to freeze. it's time to see whatever it is that you haven't seen. invisible. invisible. invisible and empty. so change it. transform. adapt.

(0131) empty; your promise

for the whole last week, i've barely gotten by on a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. it's a cruel world when the sky is blue for them just because they've got their goals to reach. the mirror says i'm a fucking joke, and if i just be myself, it's not enough for them. so where's the things that i really need? forgot again, they're hidden up my sleeve. don't even have enough money to bleed, but i'm picking away at the scabs on my knee. just fall asleep, and you'll be okay... tomorrow you can wash those tears away. the only truth has now become the only lie so i won't hold my breath when i'm about to fly.

and in the ambience, i hear the voice of god, and he says, "you'll never remember any of this at all when it ends - so don't worry, don't worry, your suffering's all in your HEAD. just trust me and eventually the sky will turn red. you've done nothing at all, you've done nothing at all. they're the ones who are already dead."

(0130) breathing collapsed

i have the thread and the needle without the distraction and the empty promise of your friendship still running throughout my veins. i remembered the chorus, and it clicked off my tongue. but the verses, they never came out at all. and there's a waitress - she places my plate on the table. the food might've been cold, but at least her smile was warm. i pay the bill, and i leave without being noticed. drove past the house that i used to call home. i forget all the fake laughter and all the fake smiles and disappear to my apartment to escape from the storm. in the back alleys of guilt, you leave no confession. you have no more secrets - no more treasures hidden in the sand. the lake is only a pond when you remove all of its pollution, and it's only then that you see the world for what it is. you're talking to anyone who's willing listen, but no one wants to listen if you have nothing to say. the unstoppable reactions; the indecision of youth; but the period only comes once at the end of each day.

(0129) the purpose of beauty

if insanity is surreal, then i'll keep it to myself. i know you see me in the shadow of your past, and i like it that way. we feel no pain until we wake up the next morning because we repeatedly come to the realization that there is no more time for another chance.

boring. say goodnight. they've been brainwashed, but at least i know better. still in love with the universe - yep. because it's all for me. it's all for us... and in six years, it will be made known.

they just don't know. they care, but it doesn't matter because they just don't know.

but you mean more to me than you'll ever know. measurements of time can only be so nice. the communication always gets old after a while as with all communication, but it's okay. everything written in this book has meaning.

i was fixing it okay.

(0128) drowning

electricity rippled through my veins tonight. you took what was mine, but i'm not even going to put up a fight.

imagine the darkness retracting because it's not happening, not tonight. not tonight. not tonight.

black and white, we don't want to fight. black and white, we don't want to fight. not tonight. not tonight. i can't seem to disappear today. and you don't care. and you don't care. and you don't care.

pay your money and enjoy the show. i don't want to ruin anything. pay your money and enjoy the show. i caught myself in bed with your rabbit pulse. the end is all we have. and i don't care. and i don't care. and i don't care.

please excuse me, i'm a wasted soul. please excuse me, i'm a wasted soul.

impossible is the only answer in my book. and that's how i know. that's how i know. i'm a wasted soul. i'm a wasted soul. i'm a wasted soul. i'm a wasted soul. i'm a wasted soul. i'm a wasted soul.