(0144) bleed heavy

i bite the needle. you tighten up the strings. we stare out our windows until the daylight brings us solitude from our longing... relief from our pain... now there's no telling if one man's misfortune will be another man's gain. the city swells with people, and they all look the same. reactions fatal but it brings about change. and i saw your anger falling out from your heart. you never told me how beautiful things can be in the dark. and like counting backwards will do much good - it's the empty sorrow that keeps the beat. so don't say you're dying. don't say you're heading down. it's just an issue of perception. i can feel it now. you will be lifted above the clouds, and i'm going to be there whether lost or found. the silver lining of a world gone wrong... the double meanings we can barely recall. instinctive poison, an insatiable thirst. the water's endless so it really doesn't matter who's going to go first.

the answer is forgotten, but the question is too. let's just enjoy this, and we'll be home soon. destructive manners... a dirty compromise... we've built these clocks so we could measure time. and it's all just time. that's all it is.

(0143) seven strangers

stretch out my eyelid for some air because you know i've got the curse of no shame. the sole defiance of your hidden desires leads me to believe that you're impaired. into the organs of the infant child, contaminated air has been contained. it has a presence, and it lacks a soul so put a cherry on top. put a fucking cherry on top. how long will our friendship last? the wheels go around, and there's not much gas. be careful where you stand tonight. the moths all gather around the lights. deep behind the silhouettes, our false impressions contribute to our inflated heads. we walk around and can't be seen. spending too much on sugar and expedited caffeine.

open your bibles. sing songs of compassion. it's all about fashion. give us your money. pray about nothing, but we know there's nothing out there. empty your pockets. fire the missiles... blood on the steeples. war is the answer. born in a manger... no one's in danger... if you just hadn't ate that apple.

i saw the ending, and the sky was on fire. the snow was black, and there were only seven of us. seven strangers.. so we wrote our own bible, and the world was perfect.

(0142) left-handed lobotomy

cracks in the wall and my mind just stalls, and i really don't know where to go. the girls are fake, and the guys all take another drink and watch tv. come and see all the empathy, and you'll realize how deep the old man's eyes are. in the waiting room, i don't wait for you. i leave as soon as i fall asleep. can i keep your stds?

...

i extract my brain from my head and fall over. pen breaks and everybody is screaming.. "help us! help us!" you're insane. i will cut out your intestines. it's for the better of the world. i bleed just as much as they do, but no one cares and neither do i. so why write about it? because no one cares and neither do i. left-handed lobotomy and a catastrophic ending... suffering killed the black sheep.

(0141) deconstructing and reconstructing

the colored sky is taking over my mind, and i'm liking it. i'm the only survivor after the accident, but the blood is just too thick. i look under my nailbed for some answers, but all i find is piss and vinegar. i sample something from every plate, but i spit it all out. i'm getting pissed.

i walk from room to room; my mind declines all forms of entertainment. impotence is forthcoming because guitars can only be played for so long. no, guitars can be played forever, but forever is no different from right now - this moment. this moment exists in my consciousness forever. i don't know what time is. time is stealing our souls. our souls are faltering. deconstructing and reconstructing.

i have trouble finishing things that i start. i always want more, more, more, and there's never enough. there's never enough.

(0140) mistake

can't feel your pulse. can't feel my pulse. up for 24 hours, and my mind has become so numb... i don't know where i am, and i don't really care. my eyes are attracted to the sun. too bright; just right. across this great country we go. we're all like rats in a maze. just god's experiment. and what does it really matter if i think this or that? i'm still figuring that out. i'd like to think i am anyway. sometimes i'd like to just be done, but there's too much beauty to part from. maybe i'm an idiot for thinking that... but anyway, the weird thing is that i don't even know what there is to worry about.

80% of the stuff i just wrote is bullshit. all i'm doing is passing time. that's all i'm doing.

(0139) an unwrapping of guilt

my eyes have no more regret. i've taken your bait. and they've all come up not caring whether you'll die or not.

swallow my tongue and forget this tragedy. i'll leave you alone now. forgive me for nothing. the oceans are filled with the distaste of disease. and now i'm getting colder. a face turning blue again. a scab of dead children will fall off your skin, and soon it becomes the last seed of your sin. you planted it there where your lover once had been.

sprinkle this salt over your corpse. it never looked so beautiful. you've got the stench of moral decay. it reeks of carnage all over this place, but don't count to ten. don't lock the doors. disregard this chalk outline written on the edge of the floor.

(0138) the deadliest addiction

i've found it to be useless because dreams don't last forever. she speaks out of turn, but i don't mind. summer is only here for a flash. we could do better if they asked us to. twisted off your sorrow and turned it in to something lovely. reasoned with your demons, and we struck a deal. you give me the choice, and i choose not to kneel. again. again. again. again.

i'm standing in your garden. there's nothing here for me. there's nothing here that's out of reach. but i don't need your apples. no, i don't need your fruit. just let go, and i'll be on my way. i bite the hand that feeds me because i choose to feed myself. and the world could disappear. and it wouldn't matter much. to be or not to be - that is not the question. to agree or disagree - it doesn't matter what you think. the importance of the moment is fleeting can't you see. but it's not just what you don't see. it's how you choose to bleed. it's how you understand your needs.

comfortable living....comfortable shoes. just repent your sins away, but you do it every day. you imagine paradise like some eternal holiday. but if god abandons me, well then there's not much i can do. i didn't want to turn and walk away. i didn't want to go astray. i didn't want to regret any promise made, but it's come down to the innocence of youth and to the intersections of many different truths. and i know i'm alone. that's one thing i've always known. but i'll pretend i don't - because my soul has pulled everything away. away... but my heart chooses to stay.

(0137) a moment forgotten

for a person who didn't know any better.

they must have dug your grave without feeling for a pulse. this time i've shut off all the lights, but you're still in my head. don't delay this funeral. don't delay this funeral. i've been counting backwards ever since i was born. and when will we stop? when will we stop? when will we stop to fall asleep? i'll taste your indecision and gag. won't wait for these snakes to wrap around your throat. after all, you've done enough. just go away and cut your eyes.

behind the trees i follow fear, and everything is set in gear. i come out in your open sea. desensitize my guilt and flee. caught up in your fairy tales, i'm walking all night long on nails. my lungs collapse under my breath. i look around; there's nothing left.

i thought i was lost. nickels and dimes. you don't have money for sympathy. but tomorrow you remain shackled in chains to the beliefs that you just won't break free from. instinctive, you would call out. a certain waste of time. a decision turned backwards on you.

and this is the moment you left hanging over me. your emotionless smile dripping out of your gums... your teeth barely reflecting the light from the stars. and i know you'll read this, but you've already made your choice. you went down to the valley where vultures, they circle. they'll scavenge your meat and make dinner from you, leaving your bones to warn others like you, but no one will notice. they won't have a clue. and now that i feel it, i know what to do.

back and forth, we close our eyes. the devil comes to take your life. no matter what i say, it's true. you better run, it's coming soon. back and forth, you change your mind. hurry up. they're close behind. never really stopped to see all the blood that was pouring out from your own body.

(0136) for silence

dissolve your open pupils and listen to the noise. a hundred moths were flying through the closed off terminals. we came expecting kindness, but the offer wasn't nice. the temperature was falling so we had to roll the dice.

emulate the process, trying not to fail. but it all comes down to silence, self-abuse, and selflessness. behind the camera's coughing lies brittle shards of hope. they'll erase your sole possessions, then hang you from a rope.

deadly as the blisters excreting from your spine as my happiness is plagued by this sudden waste of time. it's too bad your wings are broken. it's too bad you can't recall. but i've been writing all of my secrets on invisible walls.

(0135) simply depending on circumstance

the nuclear ashes in your eyes infiltrate right through my heart every time. and they're dancing to the sound of a million rainbows appearing in unison across the blackest sky one has ever seen. the ground hasn't yet revealed our footprints to many others, but the time is coming closer. you're coming closer. into view. my phone is ringing, and it's god - finally making an attempt to communicate with me - but i decide i'd rather not pick up. just not even that important these days. these days of random emptiness. but you know, i guess that's my fault... if i only would have made the right decisions.

you and me will fly away from this pathetic excuse of a privileged existence. transcend - because we realize we can.

(0134) falling through the cracks

figuratively speaking, my eyes are already bleeding. because these people, they think they're so god damn important. they shuffle their feet from one place to the other.. so concerned about money and the attention it brings them. i applaud their diligence, but i hope they die lonely.. in a world where depression and reality are shunned. i've been put with the most-bottom rung of society. and i've realized that god is beyond understanding. so it just doesn't matter what side you are on. whether winning or losing, we still sing the same song. might as well just pretend that nothing ever happened at all.. we're here for a fraction of a fraction of a moment, and then before you know it, we're already gone.