(0179) shutter lag

the culmination of a waste of time; different chemicals that would not combine; a feeling left under the blanket of an ordinary man. walking around to breathe some clean air; changing perspectives so as to not have to care; a bleeding heart can only show you what you couldn't understand. and a million bucks could never buy the best of luck so you shouldn't try to get rich quick before you die - it's the soul that matters. they're blocking off all of the straight lines. they're making room for multiplicity. a piano slowly going out of tune and a wealth of not-so-distant stars. he has to organize his conscience before they repave every street. there's no one left to use up now. he walks alone in his cloud. he's lost all touch - can't even hear the sound of his own heart beating. the minutes pass, it all goes past, no one even notices. the condensation kept building up. and before you knew just what to do, it was all done and over with. he turned every fact into a myth; looked up at the stars, and the sky was lonely yet passing by. had so much to do in so little time. so much to write but couldn't rhyme. and sometimes i feel left out, but it's nothing to think about because time is never in debt and it knows no regrets in the end.

(0178) without a doubt

we salvage the dead and pity the homeless. walk around in pools of blood empty of fear. don't hear the regrets. don't even hear the memories. everything a shadow of what it used to be because she knows it's only a matter of time. conscious awakening. infinity redefined but only for a moment. no pun intended. about to form a reaction. saturn's moons are aligning in my heart. i seemingly start to forget about the future when i realize the past once was the future. such a waste. maybe they were right. maybe the best is yet to come. either way is okay, but something needs to change. i've been waiting for the longest time. just send him to bed. tell him to never wake up. i hear that it's pretty hot over there. where is that circle that everyone was talking about? i only see beginnings and endings, and i'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. they said it was too late anyway. she comes up and never comes down, and it keeps him from turning around. but we don't care in the slightest bit. it's like taking one step forward and two back. it's exactly how it should be. i show up as a ghost and leave as a kindred spirit. so much for the afterparty. i'm blacking out before i even realize it. caught between two worlds and two realities. he walks off without feeling a thing, but in the end it's just a passing occurrence. the ocean turns over while giving confirmation to my premonitions. no colors anymore. just a sea of gray.

(0177) new millenium blues

she's falling out the boat. i'll let you know this much. they were dying one by one so we never got to touch. we blacked out in the sunlight. our graves were pretty small. so we sold our souls instead which is why we're shopping at the mall. the coffee tasted okay, but it was getting kind of stale. i said i didn't like it much so they threw me into jail.

now, everyone's a hypocrite or so you seem to think. the pages turn too fast for you - so fast you don't have time to blink. the medicine man is creeping up around the way. he's always popping pills, sayin "you better listen to what i say." empty parking lots call out for cars to meet their needs while car dealership owners are doing their best to mislead.

and coming in last place is the turtle up the stream. he just took his precious time. he was lacking in self-esteem. the writers and the critics are busy writing people off. in fact, they're so busy they don't realize they themselves have been laid off. i said, "come a little closer. i want to see your face." right then a comet hit the earth, and we flew out into outer space.

while miss cleo and the others are getting rich at your expense, the farmers in kansas take advantage of the earth while sitting on the fence. all in the name of more luxury and wine, we go out every day to wait our turns in line. innocence has rotted out the best of our returns, and with this newfound interest of mine, there's nothing more to learn.

so until the poor man figures out why no one cares about his fate, i say we form a union and jump into a lake. sure, it would be such a messy place to swim. that's why we'll have the poor man clean it, and we'll leave it up to him. gee this here chorus line is getting kind of old.. but if we repeat it a thousand times, we're bound to strike some gold.

now watching the television, i'm starting to zone out. i saw something on the news; said something about a drought. but i don't need to worry. no, i've got everything i need. just tell me who i should listen to and what books i need to read. seven hours later, i'm falling fast asleep. as soon as i wake up, i'll realize the drugs i used were cheap.

staring down the railway with my hands tucked in my sleeves, i'm a bit confused. should i stay or should i leave? i know where this train is headed. i've been there once before, but there's too many memories i can't seem to ignore. so i jump on without a hitch. i thought it went just fine until i was thrown off and ordered to pay a hefty fine.

feelings left behind, i got back into our car. i tried to go back north, but i couldn't get that far. the ghost of new orleans was walking through a wall. he slipped me a few bucks so i went back to the mall. this time, their coffee was just exquisite or so i had them know. then they offered me some more, but i said i had to go.

(0176) dreams and consequences

stop so i can buckle over and vomit. stop so i can scratch my head. it all feels so right, yet i know it's no different. i can only swim so far, and my perception isn't helping things. did too many things wrong, but i can't go back to correct things now. feeling left out of the shuffle is just a consequence. stop so i can make out the resemblance. see for myself. a moment of understanding would be nice, but we know it'll never happen. just sit quiet and enjoy the show. i'm betting on silence to be the cure. introspection at it's best. tepid and dull form the surroundings. breathed in the general direction. north, south, east, west... doesn't matter. you just go in circles. you'll never be anything without me, and i'll never be anything without you, but it was better that way. just dust anyway, right? we're all the same. is that the best that i can do? who knows. i don't think about it. religion. the worst thing to ever happen to mankind. stop so i can kneel and pray to a figment of my imagination and remember how freedom isn't free. fuck you idiots. it's time to tell the truth, but then again, you do represent the populace so i shouldn't expect any less. bloated. vaccuum of sorrow. no one was paying any attention. pure and simple as life and death. stop so i can feel the breeze one last time.

(0175) funeral march

brain falling out of head. left behind in the gutter. tomorrow, i'm cleaning up every last mess i've ever made. today, i'm wasting concentration on foreign thoughts that no one else will care about. alone with everybody. fake love never existed. i've seen you twice in the shadows, but you were too drunk to notice. in a cloud. laser hindsight cuts the circuit in my heart. haha. flavor of the month. sucked everything dry. we come apart yet remain together every single minute. i waited forever and still nothing came to pass. red, red, red on the way to dead. never slowing down. only going faster. radio doesn't tune in anything. i'm getting impatient so i walk away. forgot to look up and see the sky. uneventful endings only happen in every life. and it's apparent in my face when reality sets in. but only reality never sets in because too many children are laughing. just more people that'll eventually get fucked over by nature. it's okay. it was just a dream.

(0174) shuffling feet

flourescent light, oh so bright. make it so i don't ever have to bleed again. so i feel alright. and that's fine. that's great.

bruised on the edge of consciousness and fighting for nothing. if i could only take a peek just one more time. rest assured you'll break some bones on the way down. rest in the dark. this will only go so far back. abrasive and warm, flailing along to the tune of the song. have a look into the future and you'll be thankful, trust me. complexity evolves with space and time and emergence only comes out of necessity. breathing only in response. faded picture is condescending. told you twice, but you just don't listen. twenty years gone by in a flash. just like everything ever shown on television. and that was when i thought i knew it all. stumbled through the doorway, a designation of resignation. bring on the bad news.

somewhere cold, preferably six feet under ground.

(0173) walk away

walk away when you hear the music. so beautiful. i was destined for this. intertwined towards the surface. without reason. and that's why we're here. ...definitely coming soon. common denominator left alone. exit slowly. it's like this huge machine. location means something apparently. you can't get it back because now it's too fucked up. because now you've fallen away from reality. you're damn right i have. swollen glands and i can no longer talk. nothing to say anyway and never coming back. felt your soul just for a minute and it was long enough. so just keep fucking until you've fucked yourself. disconnection; lights out.

walk away when you see the ocean splitting in half. something important. something worthwhile. yeah, right. just like coffee and bottled water. addicted to your own beauty. stand on the edge of a cliff waiting for salvation that only exists in yourself. you want what you can't have and it's such a pity. left alone with your own visions. i felt your empathy, but it wasn't enough. what am i? your dream? fuck you. it's almost over so just shut up. friction just makes it worse. timing always off. i've died a thousand times only to be resurrected as something less suitable for the world. attention whores parked on the side of the road; they wear makeup to hide their ugliness. and i write broken sentences to hide my apathy. and i write way too much. but it makes me feel good and that's all that matters. don't even know where this leads from here. nowhere i guess. much like anything else. just passing time, right? only time is passing us.

walk away when you feel the ground breaking apart but don't let me know. i'll already be gone.

(0172) extraction point

feeling faint and it's not a coincidence. limited consciousness forgets what it used to remember.

unconstructive existence is what they say. grow some wings and fly away. always counting down to something.

nail in the coffin while gravity awaits. passing out in public. who said we were right? i walked until i got lost. i walked until the blood was moving faster. found heaven's grace in a train that never came. an incident shrouded in mystery but obviously staged. the electricity that lifted my soul - pulsating and inducing seizures. still nervous though but not empathetic for anyone. beyond the limits of space of time, taking me back to the start. isolated this heart from shame for reasons unknown. it falls off and drifts away. might i say time is running out. but don't go anywhere until it's safe. not enough rational thought. not enough.

(0171) forgot to remind you

in bed with the enemy. constant agony calls. newborn regret. too much sugar. too sweet. i saw emptiness. i saw death, and it nearly took me too. buried the hatchet somehow though. energy dissipating in dreams. phone call i never remember five hours later. cold sweats and warm regrets. abortion gone wrong. fill myself up with fast food whenever possible and wait for the heart attack fifty years later. charts and diagrams fail to show me a purpose. flatlined forever. only the stars to wish upon now. like it would even matter. can't see when the sky folds in half. can only feel. immune to the television's radiation. home shopping network. shoot me in the head.

i want to be 50 million different people mixed into one.