(0181) ugly relief

where's the back of my head? where's the edge of reality? i never realized. never even stopped to think about it. and we all thought we knew. oh, the irony. itching everything away. say hello but forget to say goodbye. so sorry. if you could only see more. disease takes hold. comfort in empty eyes so disillusioned. infrared. intercepted. i fell away for the last time. so sorry. distant and i've known this feeling for the longest period. no more endings. i feel numb. where can i go now? not back, and i can barely move forward. joy consumed by a distrust. disfavored. discontinued. and disregarded. but in my own faith, i know we'll see eye to eye eventually. so sorry. i forgot who i was. got the siamese dream blues. started and ended with a kiss i'll never forget. but no more. so sorry. i won't make it to the funeral. already made plans. the stairs were too long. i've got a song that will never end, and i saw a familiar face the other day, but i could barely make it out with all the blurriness. memories unraveling with each passing day. like our lives. too much beauty. can't even begin to comprehend it all. so we just end up stranded. forever. trying to see a nonexistent reflection in a mirror that doesn't recognize us. but i'll walk alone if i need to. don't worry. nothing will ever fade. only the pictures. time will always remember. even if it was wasted the night before. touché.

so sorry. the endless sky could barely even contain my sorrow. i sat down to read, but i suddenly felt tired. 'tomorrow, there will be no second chances,' i thought. conversation seems vague. unequated misery lost in the back of my head. a forgotten moment indeed. common sense never mattered. it's just time. no sense in needing rhyme. it's just caught in our mind. preparing for a special kind of purpose. only seconds left.

(0180) identity lost

failing baby autopsy. rust in the spokes. common death meditated upon. simple but not effective. walking through a wasteland of notable memories only to be axed. but that was just another life. concentration eroding day after day. it leads to an infinite number of conclusions. rape the consciousness and you've raped the only thing that matters. outdated. like everything in this life along with all of my failed ambitions. wall of protection, crumbled. it will all be made new soon. just lost my train of thought and couldn't speak for seven minutes. seven minutes too late. can't keep going straight. innocence is the last thing pure. it's the last thing pure, and i won't ever get it back. that's okay though, tell me i've made it. you're the last one i could ever depend on. but someone had to tell the truth. museum of endless summers. every vein is the same. crossed out the exit point. walked in with a contusion to the back of the skull. walked out with a bandage. strayed too far from the center. evidence mounts. you're falling right into the trap, and i know it. difficult to go back when the wind is blowing so hard. how does it feel? jenny says you'll pay for it. went out and stood in the middle of a street, waiting to get hit by a car. this process is fleeting. life hangs in the balance, and time takes no prisoners. well yeah, that was fucking obvious wasn't it. quitting the game. this was never about me anyway. it was never about us. bottom of the ninth with nothing to lose and nothing to gain. stuck in a shithole where everyone stares and nobody cares. will make my way to the top. hey, i thought that was you.