(0190) worst case scenario

wish to make this dream untrue. they nailed the ending, but the beginning was lacking and dull. everything in between was just vague - detrimental regret that no one needed. destiny let out a sigh. paint me a picture where things are just left unassumed. empty in laughter. false hopes for the lost. those who gave up long ago knew best. plenty of excitement but not nearly enough to last. grinding teeth just leads to more cavities. more dental work.

fading away since birth. explanation not needed. just reason for excuse. why talk about it? it doesn't make sense really, but that was never really necessary. just stagnant water. disease. death. nothing new. nothing. except that which could never be touched. i saw your face, but i didn't really recognize you with all that pretense. false advertisement at its best. and weak with no antidote. we've come a long way in such a short time.

(0189) under the microscope

first wall was a failed example. rebuked us in the sight of your god. pale and visibly shaken, we emerged from the middle and carved out our own demise. contracted the fears of another; tainted the hope in my heart. comedy loses its purpose, and we're amazed as we realize this ongoing genocide. pillows to cushion our faces; religion to comfort our souls. blank slate 'cause we said we were sorry. what were we thinking when we thought we wanted to die. twenty-three years without sorrow. just hold me and say it's alright. tunneled my way back to daylight only to find out that the oceans have turned to sand. car crash i couldn't remember and a phone call i couldn't forget. walking alone through a desert; looking for someone to take me away from this land. dinosaurs trapped in museums; lunatics trapped in their heads. fighting a war over nothing while president bunnypants talks to god while he kneels at his bed. everyone's part of the static. no one stands a chance to transcend. gravity holds us together. despite all our efforts, our destiny's out of our hands. panic attack on the horizon. urgent to get out of the car. one pill, and i'm knocked out; unconscious. wake up to discover a black sky, yet miles to go. and nothing else should even matter, but nothing left is still the same.

(0188) distant motion

lacks a proper ending. someone killed the animals. feline bandage on the neck. destination out of my hands. separation part of the plan. fill me up and let me out. someone else has got the key. it's clear and plain to see. just try and push it out of the way. never coming back now. never going to be the same. drown out the sound with all that wine. all bets are off until i die. no consciousness; no principals. feeding off the last ones left. time to kill but not enough. need to take some sedatives. never want to fall asleep. i want to stay awake until the end of time. dawkins was right about everything and never needed nicotine. delusions we've all suffered through.

i can read until i'm blind. i can read until i'm fucking blind. endless distractional force... taking over the earth.

(0187) mindless opiate

out there on the road trying to drive a big boat. got a cop - wants me stopped. says i got a window broke. nursery rhymes, birthday cake. you better learn to stand straight. coffeehouse coming up - twenty dollars ain't enough. i'm on my own. i'm not ready to die. mr. please save me. i feel like a honeybee caught in the sun, and i lost my only gun. now i can't figure out what to do with all these empty shoes. well, someday, i would say, i'll probably wear them anyway. weatherproof, long-sleeve. there's nothing that i won't believe. barbershop. can of pop. give me everything you've got. wake up soon. it's already june. hot as hell, and i can tell there's no more water in the well. better find some cures; some information for the patient. he's gonna walk out without a doubt against the doctor's orders.

go to church; repent your sins. leave and go commit 'em again. come back next week; tell everyone to turn their cheek. salvation can't be that far off. if something's stuck in your throat, you'll never even have the urge to cough. almost home. pick up the phone. call in an emergency. tell 'em that you can't breathe. hear the sirens, but then you fall asleep. some salvation... leaves no explanation.

(0186) the orphans

a rip in my face. lost control of what was happening. i've had three years, but i couldn't make up my mind. so much for dreams. more like good ideas at the time. still falling asleep constantly though. and waking up to a deadbeat silence. fatal overdose and they said "game over." but alas, a new beginning. no more lies. feed the need and forget. when all you hear are sirens, you start thinking something's wrong. a bomb on the second floor and ticking away. better find an exit.

(0185) comatose instinct

blank stare of a boy - dead in his dreams. but they'll be blocking off the river in the east and preparing for genocide in the west. distant eyes offer distant offerings and medicine won't help. give me a song, and i'll give you a poem about aids and starving children. destiny awaits their future. another fresh coat of paint, perhaps an off-white will do. so pathetic it hurts. coming out of a seven-day high. figured it would be best to just simplify the odds. level out the playing field for people like yourself. attention all around. where sharp edges turn out to be dull and foreign culture turns out to be the neighbor next door. better run; save your life if there's still time. desperation? no. just beauty. just something i saw. so now the ocean's red, and i failed to make a change. i'm sorry i fucked up. i see the light now too, and yes, it's blinding.

like philosophy told us once and history told us twice, stay away. come to think of it, i never knew any better.

(0184) imitation of a dead society

inaudible. couldn't understand a thing.

"why don't you just turn the volume up?"

"it doesn't work like that."

"why not?"

"it just doesn't."

empty and cold.

"i hear they're finally starting to pull out. too little, too late i say. they should've done it sooner. way sooner."

"well, it's a start."

"true. but it just doesn't even matter now."

"it never did."

heads or tails. it never did matter. it's all the same anymore. dust and cobwebs. too many dead ends. strobelight we can't stop and the six finger salute. ignore my voice, and it'll be all better. mortality. inevitable. just like eventually paying money for water.

black crow holding the key of rationality. rationing my luck. once, i was a dreamer. dreamt of nothing. redwood trees and bumblebees. insufficient sacrifice beyond my field of view. a darkness appears. catapults me to the end of time. walks alone without rhythm. faux impressionist movement losing ground and i wonder why. failure to void and discard. failure to have purpose. failure to identify the obvious. sleepwalking through the past. but i digress.

seven days all lead up to seven more. death sentence ahead. need i say more? please let this be the end.

(0183) sidewalk vertigo

a toast for this misery. finally, a conclusion. and as we part, this ocean splits in half. fell back to the bottom in seconds and patriotism can kiss my ass. feverpitch silence overcomes the loudest of screams. concentrate on your failures, and you'll find the answers to everything. four more miles, and you'll find nothing. i look back to see everything fading away. it was all in my head they said. and so it was. and i have the words to prove it. pity comes out of empathy and blood comes out of open veins faster than you can feel it. but something's missing - the sun. coldness ensues. leads to our destiny. a happy ending. dad says this money should prove how much he loves me. oh, the modern world. thanks for nothing. tree limbs torn down. electriticy still flowing. instant paranoia. lacking a supply of real food so i reach for the cereal, the ramen noodles, and poptarts most everyday. a tapered sample of life on minimum wage. and everyone's invited. fault lines growing more all the time. nixon would be infinitely proud. at least we have fun. at least we don't have tainted souls and tethered hearts. the shadow of something that was never there followed me home last night, but i slept it off. cigarettes and alcohol never made it go away. urgency depleted. convoluted like this air.

(0182) of me and you

you may not remember what i say right now. you might as well close your ears. but i'll show you what i mean, and it'll be pretty soon so you may as well stay right there. this key can only be used to lock the door three times, and after that, you're on your own. so hold on for the ride because it starts right now. right now would be a good time to go. but you've only one life with that one pair of eyes. sometimes, it's better to just remain. because things are worse when they're beyond your sight. it's just something that i can't explain. so make your left eye bleed and then repeat with the right. the needles have been sterilized. nothing's ever how it seems when you don't have any light. my friend, you've just been hypnotized. i guess we lost something very important; a baby's breath turned into a man's. but who could be sure when you've spent your whole life living in religious quicksand. the story goes further, but we'll stop right there. too many things to do. clap your hands twice if you're feeling alright cause i'm gonna tear into you. we need no timeline in this mass market grind so get out your pencils and pens. i've got a necktie that'll do just fine so say goodbye to family and friends. let me help you. i've got a warrant to clean the shards left in your mouth. a woman awaits with a poisonous snake and an amputated arm... she says, "can anyone give me a hand?" so i drink it all up out of a massive cup and let it pour down my swollen glands. so many people wanna have their piece, but they can't if they're turning blue. a stopwatch on my mind and nothing else inside. nothing else except the truth.