(0202) random thoughts on objectivism

another church is built and bombs are dropped. i stand in the center; pretend i'm unaware, but then you come and say "hey." "let's just try to stay focused on what we're trying to create", but the planet's wasting away. "yeah... and so are the people that have come to pray." "well, then what are we to do now? huh?" so we start talking to ghosts and write our stories as we go.

there's no way back. there's no way out. they say we'll die alone, but little do they know because, this blood, they can't have... no. i'll suffocate myself before i ever have to drug myself. ruptured lungs and open eyes. there's just a part of me that needs to feel the curse in me. constant luck with no disease. there are two sides of me, and one side feels no apathy.

"stand up straight," they told me. "there is nothing wrong." "it's only in your head so everything's just fine." "but wait." "you've got this disease." "so take this pill two times a day; it'll keep the bad thoughts far away."

so in the backseat of my mind, i'm reposed. nothing holds weight. there are no real things to say so i forget the past two years and regurgitate the rest until it's time to make my nest. so give me broken twigs and dirt. remains of the departed... the remains of the entire fucking earth.

release me until i die. no one here needs wings to fly.

(0201) now i'm waiting

picked off the lock with no hesitation. break off the teeth that don't seem to bite down. with the cancer, i sell my rights. but where did i go wrong? i've come a long way, and now i'm gone. take out the dead. let their bones incite a solution to all that you stand for. you present me a jewel that has no fortune.

the ground, it holds nothing new. its blanketed with truth, decomposed and reused. standing in the shadows, history repeats. clouds comfort those who need them. when panic tries to break me, the calm just blocks it out. patterns of sound still remain. the plans i had were empty, brittle to the touch. stained with the sweat of confusion. stand up they'll say. untangle the strings. a mantle is placed on its body. don't act like a child now. fading away. tear myself a piece of this tissue and wrap it around me. should i reach out to find you? almost relieved, angels surrounding. the test is now nearly completed. it's only one second chance away.

(0200) fell apart

sunday morning without a warning. karma not my strongest suit certainly, but if you would only listen to me for once, this would all go away. the conformity kills. slightly shattered. somewhere you'll never find it while the closer you look, the further it falls away. just a little time. the cure of life. go ahead and keep reading a book. drag my corpse until sundown. someone else'll take care of it. toenails stuck inside of my shoes. third-degree burns will mark my face. take me out of the bag. stutters out words without a purpose. stutters out words with the favor of none. vacating nonsense just to hold my own in this world. i'm lost in the sound, turning cold on the ground from a bullet in my neck. you blame yourself for your own necessity. so soon i find your remains in my basement. can't hardly think of what i need to say. take a drink of my own reactions just to lead myself away. preconvalescence. we have no doubts. we are rebuildings our buildings; leaving nothing out. we stand alone on top of fences. to help the others, we dig more trenches. not coming down ever again. a blood transfusion. i come to grips. nothing to notice.

(0199) ten centuries

in between, underneath, broken face, had the taste. never seen, fractured jaw, in between, bare and raw. i've got a sense of impending rupture; a repeat offender, but something holds me at the surface. blackened in a coma, silent offering; slowing heartbeat slowing. but i've no blood left to bleed. ten centuries of hemorrhage, blanket of doubt. woke up beside you or so i believed, but letters and numbers recounted my dream. the plague that was missing was all but conceived from an apple that tempted a person named eve or so millions and millions of people believe. we yield at no cause and feel at no expense. frequency coming and going. stayed up for no apparent reason. to hear a voice. put the pieces together and all you have is a puzzle. this is apparent. reaching far for a plot. sad. so sad. it's double or nothing on everything we have.

(0198) vein of confidence

unprick the fingers that were caught inside your throat. you've paid the tax now so get on with what you came for. i've got a question that just begs to be relieved so if you walk away, prepare to be stricken and replaced. do you confiscate the amber and then go cultivate your own? were you locked in my regret; filtered from your own? i am the only heat inside your burning home. i'm making you warm until you try to sleep. open your eyes and reinvent yourself. you're only a second away from self-destruction. stalking something beautiful but not my own. a saturnine nursery rhyme always holds the truth because innocence is dead weight when you're carrying the vice that'll lead you to your fate. deft illusions stifle change. don't you think it's time that the debunkers all arrive? stomach falls enough to forget all about it. say what you will, but don't talk about it. repent and throw it all away. we have the guilt but have no need to pray. i'm moving on to other decks of cards. it's a self-inflicted tragedy and one would say they're all the same, but i know the day stops when the gamblers all have left their stations empty-handed. where can you go wrong with a map that's so outdated - you don't stand a chance because i'll scratch my own back if it makes you understand what it is that you still lack. there's no uninspired help, fakes a seizure on the ground. he's just muddled in the sound. hold on tight. there's no end in sight. fill in the hole that's filling up your life because when you connect the dots, they'll fall from the sky above if you need something to love. waking up, you'll start to see there's nothing left for you. it's breaking off the solitude. can't you stay one minute more? there's nothing here to see. it's just a glimpse of urgency.

(0197) night before day

an enigmatic send-off to the end of the line. a technique withheld so they'll divide and conquer for only what they need. freeze the frame for overexposure. an incarnate painting i can't seem to picture anymore. we're all ten minutes from fading away in the blink of an eye. too many times i saw you walking without any legs. too many times i saw you in my mirror. the light goes on to nothing. we were both standing in line. turned a page and blood leaked out of my left eye. i then dreamed a dream far too far from sleep. blamed it on you. you who forgot the sky was never failing to fall because the excess baggage just piles up forever. intelligent design, probably. an experimental pheromone their followers can't get enough of, but everytime i pick up that phone, i hear nothing. nevertheless, the warnings persist and the doubters keep doubting. the worst is yet it come. and everyone can have their own piece of it.

(0196) a cipher in the autumn woods

someone's breakdown off the feet of god. getting smaller in spite. i thought you were going to save me. wake up tomorrow without the slightest clue. got stuck in the seventh sphere. baptized in the snow. a place i called home. a final exchange for purity, but what i needed was a protective skin. a golden obscurity only seen in time. ingredients only tasted in time. pulled from the top to reveal a hidden ocean. somewhere i placed intentional forgone conclusions because they'll eventually find the truth. we're forever waiting in the ether unsuspicious of misguided faith but weary of misguided ignorance. i thought i tasted you on the back of my tongue. holding the hand of your misplaced sympathy as you repay your debts with silence.