(0227) clarity of introspection

i spiral down and hit the ground.
don't make a sound. nobody notices.
first time back here. i felt so near
to death's awakening. completely gone.
i'm feeling weak. two days and no sleep.
above the water. too high and too deep.
no stopping now. i don't know how
to bend this air; to escape that stare.
put on my shoes and watch the news.
they predict the future, but no one cares.
he holds the phone... a voice unknown.
an unpaid loan.
i'm sleeping through the hurricane. did i say no sleep?
it was all a dream.
it's just a dream.
i'll wake up soon.

the fog of youth, it's gone too soon.
nothing to do now... there's nothing to do.
the end of june was just the start of july.
didn't understand; never made much plans.
four hours a day... too far away.
i need to analyze my mental state. i can't see straight.
ambitious heart and a fictitious shopping cart
that rolls right by. i miss the midnight sky.
dissipated anarchy and dissipated eulogies.
same measurements. different dialects.
we can't slow down. we can't come down.

(0226) in time...

death detached on the 25-year-old brain. it doesn't even matter anymore... because when i was younger, i used to breathe cleaner air. i used to see in color and lived in a bubble. i knew not of anything i know now. frequent inconsistency has become my theology. all value has disappeared - collapsed into a single fear that nothing's out there in the blackest of space. we all hide our insecurities and project our rationality. we live secretly in our shells. enough of the play-by-play and day-to-day... the unending static broadcasting over the waves... i woke up with the innocence of a baby's insignificance. i was laughing and crying at the same time. i was ecstatic about my obliviousness. i felt nothing yet everything. i wanted out, but i was already outside of reality. i wanted to be alive or dead... because i was neither. i fell asleep with the guilt of an unpaid debt to my own consciousness.

impatient reactions. walk away. in the winter is when the ice will come.