(0233) benediction

cut these nails under your frozen stare as i recoil.
left you on that floor of ice - i guess you weren't so loyal.

the blackest crow of your sorrow is running out of carrion.
lick up what's left or hold your breath. it's the only other option.

somewhere in this constellation, i'll breathe in whatever's given.
what was that you tried to stutter? it turned out to be a work of fiction.

broken mirror cut my face up... now i'm dripping blood in the presence of your god.

sew the slivers up and take an overdue vacation.
can't enjoy the falling leaves because there's no sensation.

the patient has relapsed again. is that really so surprising?
information makes it's way to those who need to start deciding.

where were you inside this coffin? i woke up with a melted smile.
thought that you would never leave me even if only for just a little while.

broken mirror cutting up my face... now i'm dripping blood in the presence of your god.

this conversation leads nowhere... it's all imagination.
loosen up your molar teeth... prepare for benediction.

the days go by, but we don't ask why the seeds have never sprouted.
we hold the gun to the dying sun before it gets too clouded.

carrying the vaccine in one hand while the other injects disease.
don't bother pulling up your eyelids. there's nothing here to see.

broken mirror fucked our faces up... now we just drip blood in the presence of your god.

(0232) nothing unknown is known

walking off without you with me, but i won't hesitate to call you my friend. left for dead and bleeding softly. every place looks the same as it did. i can barely recall your number, but i still remember the very first night. it was as if you were the only out there - the only one who could help to regain my sight.

now, what's come has gone and past... it's a very good thing i still know how to sleep. anxiety has become like a stranger. i go through my day unaware and forgetting to eat. i can barely make any sense of my laughter, but i know my longings inside and out. someday, i will be a new person. i'll understand what's wrong and what's right.

time has rendered us obsolete, but we could care less. every day we just rinse and repeat, but soon there'll be no water.

the leaves have died and so have i, but i'll be back in springtime. a forced rhythm, but i'll stay on beat... and i won't miss the sunlight.

(0231) medicated and disconnected

i'm in the backseat, quiet and sick with the ache of love and longing... the only leftovers of jealousy and insecurity. fill me up with hope and deflate me with your obliviousness. cancel out the other endings and let me starve within arm's length. wasted my time creating a habitat built on mistrust and convenience. almost three years, and i'm back at the forefront of destiny and sunken anxiety.

can't fake it anymore. can't take it anymore. i'll just wither into the ashes that make up this cement floor. always one seizure away from clarity and one flash away from a second chance and a new beginning. stumble down these stairs one last time, walk out the door, and never come back.

this can't last much longer. i separate variations from patterns, and then put them back together while searching for a feeling. that's all i do. it's what my life has become, and it's what my life will always be.

don't even know where the beauty is anymore. it's on the run; escaping me at every turn, and i will never feel it again. it may as well be a lost cause.

one word spoken and thousands more to go. falling asleep and hoping to wake up with new odds, but i doubt it for good reason. i doubt it because it's the only reality i've ever come to know. first impressions were always too much. if only glass could cut this too.

(0230) dead and falling leaves

well i've been thinking about all the things i had, and every single one of them was a fairy tale inside of my head. and i'll pretend every once in a while that one wasn't, but there's nothing in this world worse than stretching the truth to be a lie. and our imaginary connection was just a forced performance, and it left nothing behind to be left out of this equation. and the turn of events wasn't really all too surprising. it was more of punchline to this sick and twisted, cruel joke, and it turns out that the joke was really on us both. pieces of time we'll never get back, but it's what we deserve.

and now i'm heading west whenever possible. this way, i never have to see a sunrise. but i'm always trying to unlock the lock by putting in this combination. and who would've known the combination didn't matter... it's just something that's much too hard to realize.. like a thousand people doing the exact same thing at the exact same time...

and you never thought that you would matter, but it's just a matter of time until you forget the truth... so you might as well be walking backwards. because if you're gonna waste my time, i don't wanna see you. and sometimes i think that everything is broken. and sometimes i think that everything is fucked. but i'm falling out from all these dead leaves... and all these institutional hierarchies. 'cause i've made a subtle and small impression on everyone that comes out of this silent vacuum. and it's all i need to keep me going. so just let the passing traffic make us slowly fall asleep. it's really not that - no it's really not all that too soft of a sheet... but i wake up to find another person. not lying next to me but inside of my own head. almost could have sworn that the other guy was dead. and this is what happens when you walk around injected with a bullet full of lead. always waiting to drown when there's no water in sight. always looking for the dark when you finally see the light. i called off of another day of working because i'd rather be spending it inside this place. this place where karma just keeps fucking up everything you try to make. this place where guilt is just a big, useless mistake.

(0229) a lost receipt

walked 12 miles to find you, but you were nowhere to be found... i heard the sound fading out from clarity. reception isn't good now. i might as well be moving on and getting gone before my heart just falls apart and i can't see.

and as the sun falls into the ocean, i can't wait to fall asleep... and hear the beep of that alarm clock going off the next morning. no clue where i'm going, but i can hope that there's a girl, somewhere out there on the prowl who's sick of her teeth being oh so clean.

it's like a fairy tale in progress searching for a new beginning; a way to start before the clock outpaces me and strikes my doom. there's an angel that i see, but she seems so fucking far from reach... what's the point. guess i'll just stay here, in this room.

matter changing forms... an endless cycle that's never complete; a lost receipt; a complicated conversation piece that's all-but-forgotten the very next week.

it's like a piercing through my vein... a constant heartache that ignores my brain... an impulse-driven daydream tune that beckons me.

just wanna keep myself awake, just long enough to drill this in. i can't pretend it's something that just does not exist. it's something i've been missing, a thief i am always trying to pursue. it's a fucking four-letter word...that's called... love.

(0228) farewell, good morning

six villagers went missing when we set foot upon this shore.
the investigations started as soon as we knocked on an imaginary door.
and we were summoned by the ocean and its vapid, ugly roar...
and the irritating emptiness of wanting something more.
then, in came christopher columbus, with his calculations wrong.
he said, "what a waste of time. i'll write my own songs."

and i knew then what i know now, and that's all there is to say.
for a million baby jesuses are born every single day.
it takes a lot to feed a family but even more to feed yourself
if you're imitating art, and art is just on empty shelves.
so when you find that secret passage - yeah, the one that leads from your heart,
please don't let anyone know of it, lest you give them a head-start.

farewell.
good morning.

just be so kind to release me from your automatic grip,
and i'll keep you in my memory - you'll be happy on that ship.
where my dreams and fears await me as i stand all by myself.
and the comedy unfolds until i get a hold of myself
where was i supposed to turn? i thought you said you'd meet me here.
all i see are passing headlights while i drink this flavored beer.
someone better call me while i'm driving; i'm not exactly seeing all-too-clear.
the embargoes have been lifted. it'll only be a hundred years.
but at the end of every day, all i really need is you.

farewell.
good morning.

so if you're out there, and you're reading this, i'm probably half-gone
and confessing all my sins along with all that you've done wrong.
but when time is cutting deep and it's getting hard to breathe,
nothing will make much sense at all, and that will be the end of me...

farewell.
good morning.