(0231) medicated and disconnected

i'm in the backseat, quiet and sick with the ache of love and longing... the only leftovers of jealousy and insecurity. fill me up with hope and deflate me with your obliviousness. cancel out the other endings and let me starve within arm's length. wasted my time creating a habitat built on mistrust and convenience. almost three years, and i'm back at the forefront of destiny and sunken anxiety.

can't fake it anymore. can't take it anymore. i'll just wither into the ashes that make up this cement floor. always one seizure away from clarity and one flash away from a second chance and a new beginning. stumble down these stairs one last time, walk out the door, and never come back.

this can't last much longer. i separate variations from patterns, and then put them back together while searching for a feeling. that's all i do. it's what my life has become, and it's what my life will always be.

don't even know where the beauty is anymore. it's on the run; escaping me at every turn, and i will never feel it again. it may as well be a lost cause.

one word spoken and thousands more to go. falling asleep and hoping to wake up with new odds, but i doubt it for good reason. i doubt it because it's the only reality i've ever come to know. first impressions were always too much. if only glass could cut this too.