(0256) soul decay
we weren't home. they destroyed everything. they parked their cars where you slept, and i walked away. summer's dream was ending and autumn's delusion was beginning. another one caught in between. we found the maps, but there were children crying in a circle. one whispered a poem to another in secrecy, and a cloud disappeared in my hand. a poor soul couldn't hope to wash these colors off, not in a million years. we took cover under some thin walls with the ceiling caving in. i reached out for a ghost, and it shook my hand without any touch whatsoever. so much for an ending. i watch your water go down a drain with no remorse. i felt the panic and so did you. i tried to warn you. i really did, but i was too late. finished my dinner alone and watched endless commercials of endless insanity. i was never your complexity. you were just imagining. days go by without change, and i see all your beauty within simple words. dad never cared. dad lives in his bubble with a frozen perception of all that he hoped to be. he's in a place i'll never be. took an elevator ride to the sky and never made it back alive. i clean what's left from these pretty bloodstains on my mouth and lips. last days of the year, and i'm living proof. i look at photos and see someone that isn't me. a waste of time. the distance is unreal. brains left over from the beauty pageant. an upside down cross hung over an adjacent stairway that leads to a basement. is this the way to eternity? i didn't think so. crushed in the center of the universe with dust particles forever lost along the way. somebody forgot to turn in their halo that day.
it's another loss. i'm not coping well. there's only a few things that bring happiness to this psychedelic hell. i'm a bomb of lust. i don't trust myself. i have feelings that would make me fall if i wasn't stuck on a shelf. there was destiny. there were throngs of light, and i saw you fading under the ordinary limits of my fucked up sight. i have things to say. i have nothing to do. i impregnate my empty heart with a unrecognizable melody of truth. i have a gun in my hand. you have the bullet in your veins. there's a simple place where i go when i'm lost in the smoke coming from my frantic flames. under neon sky. under the drag of tusks. under a ceiling made of unforeseen mistakes in the structure of love. i'm holding onto the air. it's all that comforts me. there's nothing left in the future sounds of innocence or clarity. we all role the dice. it always comes out wrong. i know exactly where i want to go, but i feel the loveliest breeze from the rationality of these songs.
the economy's in shackles. and what does freedom really mean now? or democracy? it's just propaganda. yeah.. a liberal media that just happens to be owned by giant corporations. and it's not ironic at all.
and i might as well just not be here. and i might as well just sit alone in this chair. and i might as well just hope to not understand. and i might as well just keep feeling my own hands. i might as well be a bum in this crowd. and i might as well just hope to not ever be found.
and i've come to learn that i don't write for you. and i've come to learn that the sky is not even blue. it's just another illusion that hides the truth. and i've come to learn that everything i'll ever say is a piece of a puzzle that just gets in my way. and i've come to learn that the sound of youth was just a quiet nursery rhyme that kept us asleep, and everything that's here for me is in my own eyes... i swallow it down until it makes me cry.
i feel the buzzing inside my dreams. and i've come to learn that everything can be exactly how it seems. fuck the movement. i want peace. i don't want chaos. i want these weeds to undress their sadness and insecurity onto me. i want all the birds to just settle down. i want my eyelids to close out this town. i want the obvious in a gift-wrapped box with the only set of keys to all the locks. fuck your styles. i want what's not in stock.
laughter is the insanity that keeps me sane. what do i have? a piece of history in my hands. a drop of blood from your beating heart in my veins. i counteract the rain with a pulse you don't see, and i'll leave behind nothing but a blocked out memory. something new leads me to believe the little white lie under my breath. i see a flash of light in your disease as i grasp for air in my selfishness. i see your eyes are hollow, and i'm assuming your heart can only follow.
do you think i'm oblivious? taking a step in that direction? if the ground wasn't moving beneath my feet, i wouldn't be moving at all. in fact, i escaped a long time ago anyway. they've all morphed into what they always were. they've all joined the enemy of the crowd. it wasn't pretty. it had to happen this way. their success is their great failure. they don't get it.
alarms going off and robots reacting in time. you don't even look at me and think i'm just doing quite fine. the sense of narcolepsy i sense in you is overwhelming to say the least. i'll leave soon enough. i'd slow down if i could, but i don't have that kind of control. the parasite continues to dig. i'm a lone spectator from the outside who can only watch the collapse happen from within. the problem is that i can feel it too, and it expands into infinity like space and time and makes me hurt. thank god for god, right? no. thank god for you and for my broken heart. am i alive? i can't even tell.
it's another loss. i'm not coping well. there's only a few things that bring happiness to this psychedelic hell. i'm a bomb of lust. i don't trust myself. i have feelings that would make me fall if i wasn't stuck on a shelf. there was destiny. there were throngs of light, and i saw you fading under the ordinary limits of my fucked up sight. i have things to say. i have nothing to do. i impregnate my empty heart with a unrecognizable melody of truth. i have a gun in my hand. you have the bullet in your veins. there's a simple place where i go when i'm lost in the smoke coming from my frantic flames. under neon sky. under the drag of tusks. under a ceiling made of unforeseen mistakes in the structure of love. i'm holding onto the air. it's all that comforts me. there's nothing left in the future sounds of innocence or clarity. we all role the dice. it always comes out wrong. i know exactly where i want to go, but i feel the loveliest breeze from the rationality of these songs.
the economy's in shackles. and what does freedom really mean now? or democracy? it's just propaganda. yeah.. a liberal media that just happens to be owned by giant corporations. and it's not ironic at all.
and i might as well just not be here. and i might as well just sit alone in this chair. and i might as well just hope to not understand. and i might as well just keep feeling my own hands. i might as well be a bum in this crowd. and i might as well just hope to not ever be found.
and i've come to learn that i don't write for you. and i've come to learn that the sky is not even blue. it's just another illusion that hides the truth. and i've come to learn that everything i'll ever say is a piece of a puzzle that just gets in my way. and i've come to learn that the sound of youth was just a quiet nursery rhyme that kept us asleep, and everything that's here for me is in my own eyes... i swallow it down until it makes me cry.
i feel the buzzing inside my dreams. and i've come to learn that everything can be exactly how it seems. fuck the movement. i want peace. i don't want chaos. i want these weeds to undress their sadness and insecurity onto me. i want all the birds to just settle down. i want my eyelids to close out this town. i want the obvious in a gift-wrapped box with the only set of keys to all the locks. fuck your styles. i want what's not in stock.
laughter is the insanity that keeps me sane. what do i have? a piece of history in my hands. a drop of blood from your beating heart in my veins. i counteract the rain with a pulse you don't see, and i'll leave behind nothing but a blocked out memory. something new leads me to believe the little white lie under my breath. i see a flash of light in your disease as i grasp for air in my selfishness. i see your eyes are hollow, and i'm assuming your heart can only follow.
do you think i'm oblivious? taking a step in that direction? if the ground wasn't moving beneath my feet, i wouldn't be moving at all. in fact, i escaped a long time ago anyway. they've all morphed into what they always were. they've all joined the enemy of the crowd. it wasn't pretty. it had to happen this way. their success is their great failure. they don't get it.
alarms going off and robots reacting in time. you don't even look at me and think i'm just doing quite fine. the sense of narcolepsy i sense in you is overwhelming to say the least. i'll leave soon enough. i'd slow down if i could, but i don't have that kind of control. the parasite continues to dig. i'm a lone spectator from the outside who can only watch the collapse happen from within. the problem is that i can feel it too, and it expands into infinity like space and time and makes me hurt. thank god for god, right? no. thank god for you and for my broken heart. am i alive? i can't even tell.
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