(0260) rotting teeth

i think i've cracked my head another time. i think it's broken like an egg, and my brain falls out like the yolk inside - nice and yellow - but no one's feeling hungry lately anyway. this lack of heat comes through the vents, barely melting anything inside. it forces this refrigerator to be like a freezer instead with my longings stuck in the corner of my eyes so join the crowd and face the sound of a million commercials on infinite repeat. i mute them all with my remote control. i immediately call 911, but they just tell me that there's no emergency. i guess i'm starting to assimilate, and can't we all relate? you're surrounded by the stare of all these mosquitoes in the belly of the beast. you just can't let them suck on you. no, you have to cut them loose. just like that guilt you hold inside. just like this destruction you can't hide. cause and effect, where should you go? i think you'll know, but you just don't know yet.

michael's got that look on his face. in the movie, he's got all my favorite traits. he walks without promise, but at least he's honest. but seeing josephine makes me want to break down. she makes me want to leave this cemetery-to-nowhere town. i'm running on no oxygen, and my feelings are unemphatically boxed in. but the sun stretches closer, and i can't get any colder so please excuse this little paroxysmal thought. it's just another thing that i can't live without. a birth and a funeral. which one is the worst? a baby and a dead person. i'm just in-between all this dirt. the earth is not the sickness that brought you to me, but it's so hard to grasp the concept of what is not free. i finished the shift with a hole in my heart - holes in my eyes - as i put away this cart. i need a coffee to soothe these broken veins... if only this coffee wouldn't keep me awake.

"a long chain of devolution and drama, witnessing a miniscule part of our own demise. purpose is forever lost in translation." she strays in the morning, and i follow. little do we know of each other. a disorder found in dustmites. paranoia shakes hands with the pharmacist, and now i smile, but i'm not happy. passing time with ones and zeroes; painted in disillusionment and urgency. rinse and repeat.

the particles come up in his throat, but he swallows them back down. he hears the ambience of restrictional hope in your radio, and it makes him want to throw up. thoughtless and loud, but i'd be saddened if it's just noise for attention. this is what makes my vision blurred. it's what makes you beautiful. losing my silent voice, but it could only work out this way. winter's coldness is just making me warmer. i'll shovel this snow until my hands fall off one last time, but then i'm gone. no more accidents.

the face is itching off the clock that holds his sympathy. correlate the differences to make something that frees up the time. the heart is choking while you're eating. the face is turning blue while you're breathing, and i'm still fitting square pegs into circular holes. a flat tire i've left in the turning lane. i'll just sail through the dead memories. i've untied the knots and unlocked the locks, but i still have nothing. a fenced in grave and some dead house flies because it makes him feel good when something dies. epilepsy runs in the family. i've already had seven cavities and a root canal. blamed the modulation on your eardrums. crawled for over a mile to an empty house without a floor. a smile hid any hints of a missing variable in the equation. if you could see me in the needle of this addiction, then you'd see what i see.

sinking like a mistake written with your blood, he covers the ocean with hope, looking for the unheard echo. a layer of dust and debris that she can't seem to dig out follows in the moonlight. her rainbow disease growing colder by the minute. latches onto composure with the swiftness of a mailman's poise because my letters are always sorted out through chemical filtration and a feeling's decomposition, at which point they're stamped and returned to sender anyway. find me when the teeth are rotting, and i'll spit out my arrogance. give me a newspaper; i'll show you the news. give me the soul, and i'll show the truth. skipping past the commercials because i'd rather be making my own. all you hear are yourselves. you're all broken clocks, and it's a shame. the unheard voice is what i want to hear, but it's already made me deaf. scabs will fall off in time, revealing the source of confusion. wash these dirty clothes because, figuratively, i don't have the money for anything new. anything. drive in the traffic of god's explanation, and i crash my car for no reason. imagine that.

(0259) logistics in footprints

i woke up. i woke up. i saw you in disguise. i dreamed up. i dreamed up some awful thing inside. now, i can't control it. it's like a cat in heat. i measured the ingredients so i could taste the summer - so i could come down from the drug that you had put in me. now, tell me the truth - now, is that how you want to make a choice? i've got to submerge myself inside your pretty void. the walls are collapsing. the ceiling's still caving in. i know i was not in danger, but i'd like to think that you had me convinced.

in silence. in silence. it will cover this like blood. so kill me. so kill me. please make sure i'm not alive. i had the ironic misfortune of being free to move but paralyzed. a picture. picture. a picture's worth a thousand words... but i don't think i care enough to understand these complex words. so i'll write them. i'll write them until they make the situation worse. what's worse? what's worse? what could be worse than this? a simple understanding. an unseen look and an ugly kiss. a physiological study would never prove indeed... the sickness that i carry... it's best we go our ways. the sun is not laughing at his confusion anymore. dripping oil from this filter, the fuel doesn't seem to work. but false endings are securely tightened to his dirty, white shoestrings. cut off these handles like you're cutting off a possibility.

this skin wears me well, it does, but i need a second kind. a little fascination and a little patience - i only have my entire life. brains fleeing for their own good. soaked in solipsism and dried under a morning haze. gas station payed me back temporarily. are you running the marathon? i'm dead last. that christmas, we noticed all the grass that doesn't hide. i'm a dreamer. he's a drunken philosophy but so am i. we don't need what's missing. all we need is what's nearby.

i've been inside the clouds. i've been inside my head. i saw the ugly systems that caused you to be one of the walking dead... so i made another sick disguise where no one would ever know i've lied to everyone i've ever met. death reliance... some newfound innocence. was i afraid to fall? too afraid that we would trip? the way the talking birds synchronized their flights. i've always wished that i could have that kind of sight. you gave me an atom bomb, but i'll probably just walk it off..like i've always done... because i could never have enough, and i should've been set on fire in that summer heat. i only wish that i was you and that you were me. dreamt of nothing else but beautiful delusions. sat in miles of traffic for this drastic, cutting contusion. spread another blanket over my refusal and wash these hands with the blood left over from this relationship's funeral. i stuttered all the way to a doorway of happy thoughts, then i realized it was locked, but i still thought of happy thoughts.

in comas, we will talk. and yes, we'll walk. no, we won't forget. and no, i won't unlearn. read the newspaper and expect to understand. i'm a half second late, but i'll still buy the stamp. i've gone every direction; up and down every single ramp. and now, i'm torn in the middle of an unnecessary rant. what will live forever, and what will rot? are there sicknesses evolved from youth? don't expect to hear from me when you're throwing up all the shit that you chose to eat. get this kid an icepick and his heroin, and he won't be bothering anyone. we'll all live forever, and you will not... so veil the bones because i want the meat. that shit won't help you on the street. deprivation lapse left me off the map, but now i won't be coming back. split you into fifty pieces, pulled from the form that you left inside this wormhole of imagination graphs. the shoes are apathetic, but the feet are not... malnourished at the sight of you with teeth that never knew how to chew.

show me the tragedy. i won't pretend to see. i won't disturb your peace, and no, i won't be on my knees. undeniable blinking lights. there's plenty of things inside. cut around the vacancy and shut my mind off with your eyes. licked the floor clean of this mess. i'll probably never have the strength to confess. this situation wasn't pretty. it melted me until there was nothing left. so we paint the sky all black, and we fake our heart attacks. there was nothing in this waiting room but a magazine and more bad news. the other day, i was not there. i was not invisible. i couldn't talk. i could breathe, but i wasn't aware. i didn't sleep that night. i just hallucinated and took it as a substitute. they carved their letters in your face and pretended to be me. they stole my lines because i could never be that kind of a dream. i'm an empty vessel in your world so wind doesn't even help. just follow this trail of syllables and look for what you'll never find. she was just a lie i didn't want to believe, and if someone could just see my truth, it would be the most beautiful thing. i'm not acting when i write. i'm going in circles. the dust gathers, and i wait. either way, i'm leaving this place for new scenery and old feelings so i can continue to make myself with neverending ink and anxiety. were we a little too quick to react? everything i need will always be intact. don't interpret this for what you aren't. you are the cell door that keeps me blocked off from your heart. don't this burn just like anything else? corrosive as it is, and i still feel fine. two locations divided by distance. souls divided by time.

(0258) binary landslide

a written manifesto. the only thing that can provide a relief to a head full of scattered lead. like somebody said, nothing can mean anything... how true... because it does. no one can see shit, and the sooner people just realize this, the better off we'll be. there couldn't be any other way. alarm bells sounding for the parade. we better fucking live if we want to have something to say. our minds are the only things that exist. it's not much more than that, but it's enough for me. insanity 24/7. look through your own eyes, see what's not there, and i'll show you the world. this is my bible. i'm the only one that can understand it, but at least i know this. it's what i have. it's all i have because let's face it. there's no denying it. and if you do, what will you really ever get in life? paranoia? exactly. it'd be too easy to not exist. too easy. maybe it's a joke, but i'd rather wait for the punch line to be sure. a shattered heart can't be hurt so that's what i live with, contently. there is true freedom in that. a life of detachment. it keeps me in check with my rationality. tonight, i am happy. tonight, i am sad. and i'll wear those faces like they mean anything.

feelings piled up in a bag because they've already been checked out. these are just the damaged receipts. take that flower and might as well shove it into my head. nothing is sacred or new in this old and abandoned warehouse of time. delegated submission lines picked apart in my stomach acid. i just wish this stomach would stay full. love was a daydream in your twisted words. love was a daydream in your backwards numbers. so i ask one more time, when will this lobotomy end? do you even remember what i tried to send? it was a one-way ticket for your boundless insecurity where your reflection was a falsified allusion to your burned out brain, and i couldn't stop the bleeding because it was all the same. your "love" was best thing that never happened to me.

and i keep watching this movie in my mind. a conversation so heavy on sickness and life. he doesn't just want to give up and walk away, but the pieces of empty feelings keep clogging the drain. i saw a vision that was doin' me in. i saw a forgotten and stashed sleeping pill trapped under your skin. i saw millions of lovers with dust forming in their blinded and bloodshot eyes. and i wrote yet another stupid and wasted reply.

i stayed up to find what i couldn't feel earlier on. i searched through a library of tried-and-true songs, then i wrote something down; emptied this alcohol out of my head because no one knows when they're television future is already dead. the cement we stand in is always still wet so i'm moving my legs as fast as my mind seems to forget. but the first time this happened, i almost went off a cliff, and i'm still wiping the dirt from my lips.

you were warned from the moment you could walk, but you wanted to run and you wanted to talk. there's only so much you can gather from a pint. were you drinking it just to try to stay alive? if these daydreams should prove to be true, would it matter if my soul tried to sabotage my heart for its own selfish use? the clock will just walk away without us once we're gone so if you're looking this way, don't look for long.

anxiety holds me in place when i'm not alone, and there's a deafening silence that comes from my phone. i think we should be patient and wait for the sun. there's no point in trying to pull out a gun. a bullet hangs from under her neck. i wonder why she wears it. i wonder why there's nothing remaining in this freezer of self-meditation and unshakable debt. a severed hand should never try to pick up what it's not allowed to have... a blur of the entire human race in one little gust of nuclear ash.

replication is drowning me out, and information is making its way out to the crowd, but no one disseminates the lies from the facts. you can't comprehend it so don't try to react. there's a chromosome i've extracted from the scene. i've been drowned in an ocean, and there were no fish to eat. the quickness of life, and no one even cares to slow down. soon, my footprints won't be anywhere near this ground.

we seem to start over every few years. i'm going to start over so i can confront all my fears. and if you stay in my mind, well, then i'll just write you down in a poem. that way, you'll leave me alone. you'll surrender in the cold of the night, and i'll stab my heart just to make sure i'm alive. and if worse comes to worst, then we'll just bleed to our deaths... but tomorrow, i wake up and get out of bed.

a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. whenever i try to gamble it off, i always seem to go south. it's the human condition of electric and divisional rain, and i'm just trying to walk this away.