(0269) conflict

girl has become a wasted feeling.
she's in love with the world that i despise.
wake up to feel my lonesome heartbeat as it beats so far away from its past life.

she looks for what she lost along the highway.
she goes back to a certain person to feel safe and without conflict;
subsided from a truth that's pouring like the water from her nonexistent faucet.

i'm one nightmare away from an allergic reaction.
i leave the house with the sole plan to walk as far away as possible.
i have all the symptoms of an undiagnosed illness, but the sky is too busy looking wonderful.

he has started to learn what to expect.
one by one, each step eventually comes to resemble nothing.
and a daydream leaves him laughing and crying at what he thought was really something.

we must remember we are only animals.
reflected in a mirror and then rushed out in the daylight.
and i'm living proof of the beginning and end of every single human life.

"the more we learn, the more we cry. how fast we burn. how fast we die."

(0268) i love you

a shaking hand with no direction...
a voice you hear without inflection...
i wake up every morning caught up in my misery.
the water from the shower flows
down my skin; between my toes,
but i'm too numb to feel it anyway...
i've never been sidelined like this before.

the chemicals inside my head...
they're all confused, and i still feel dead...
now, i can't ever see your face again.
green grass and a sky of blue...
sanity held together by super glue
and a piece of youth that's never coming back again.

and if we knew each other then,
we'd understand all the sand moving through an hourglass.
and if we felt each other's burns,
we'd understand all the water flowing through all the earth.

fragmented on the other side of the screen...
constantly analyzing what i'm seeing...
ice-cold fingers type this out as i'm glancing at the clock.
cell phone silence - this is why.
i had to leave without goodbye.
can't return to what was never there.

i love you.

(0267) fade away

it's hard to say. it's hard to explain exactly why i feel half insane.
i've lost my truth. i've lost my way while existing the same from night to day.

there's no reason for the season.
i'm still scared of what i believe in.
2107 n. kenneth and the orange lights i still remember
the metal detector, the computers, and the keyboard
and the basement with the green floor.

am i not here? are you like me?
more paranoid by my unfelt and unseen reality.
how do you come to terms with loss?
i guess my spoiled heart is what it costs.

i'm lost in time. addicted to youth.
experiencing depersonalization with nothing to prove.
confusion rules. attention span is totally gone.
it's too bad i'd be seen as wrong.

i've known silence more than you will ever know yourself.
i'm observing more than you will ever see. woe is me.

existence kills all that's alive. hypnotic trance; can't close my eyes.

(0266) the silence of a stare pt. 1

the train wheel pulls my apathy even as the grass turns green; take all the pills they give to help me live. sleep is all that comforts me. nervous side effects and allergies - i'm out of breath before i even start to walk. a backwards conversation leaves the reasons hanging in the air and leaves me in the silence of that stare. i live inside a vacancy. i don't see them, but they see me. repetition is my faint disease.

no one knows, and no one will ever know, but ain't that the beauty in me and you?
we disagree to the degrees of leaving the rest up to clouds and trees.

i've been displaced in modern time. my life and death will be made of rhymes cascading down to an ocean mist. i wanted what i couldn't have. i never really noticed that nothing ever took the place of youth. electricity never bothered me... but this time, it didn't help. i woke up next to fragments of a mother's voice that echoed through my head.