(0321) measuring the distance pt. 3

my anxiety holds the pen in place, and the words replace a shattered, neon face. saving up for the one true taste of a love that always fell through my hands. in the news today, there's nothing to chase. nothing real that will destroy our fate. our fate is too beautiful to escape. our fate is only another glance away from the dying art that conceived this plot to the memories that we wish to stop; from the television screen to a dead-end road, it's obvious we will never know the reasons that we're floating alone. i was so carefree in my younger days, but i'm even more so now that i've got absolutely nothing to say. everyone just stands in a line and waits for a number that sometimes never even comes.

tried to walk up all these steps, but it's another endless escalator going the opposite way. tried to go hunting down the truth, but it's just a phantom in the midnight sky. tried to salvage the past for what you could, but nothing was worth your efforts. tried to save what was useless, and now you've gotta look away.

there's a surface stain on the silverware. better clean it off before you go anywhere. you better look around before you disappear as if that would even matter in the end. snakes are all around with their open mouths so you better be careful. you better just watch out. the makeup's not going to help you now. fairy tales are all you have. this was never planned because i thought that i was dead. i thought i was going to live alone in my little head. i never dreamt until i was woken up by someone with a different disease. if the rhythm makes up the melody, why does dissonance eat into the frequency? can someone explain? i need someone to teach me another way to hear these sounds.

i wanna hold this pen myself. there's a million ways, but i didn't get here just to walk away. this is life.

(0320) measuring the distance pt. 2

we learn the lessons. we circle the sun, but our imagination keeps us from having too much fun. we take all these pictures. we archive them by date. the further that we go, the more we hate to wait. understand the bottom is equal to the top so it never really matters what's in between or not. stuck in the mud but still making progress, and i waste all my time on forgetting how to rest. these ideas are worthless. they're all based on a fictional, romantic youth. look at me through open eyes. your eyes show an unknown truth. highs balance out the lows to clear up all the static. thought i knew the ending, and i thought it would be tragic. can't quench the thirst. it's impossible to defeat. send me a ticket just to watch the last one standing silently retreat.

i solved thirty-six equations, and i still could not deny that the disappearance of a face leads to an unfortunate goodbye. in the past, i was a vagrant floating in and out of time. connective tissue is the force that holds us all together when we die.

(0319) measuring the distance pt. 1

striking a new deal to work for the rich. they have all the money so i act like their bitch. cunning and vicious, it's all hands on deck. say hi to the strangers. what do i care about theft? my lips are swollen, and my eyes don't work. i unpacked a suitcase and unfolded my shirts. i looked in a mirror in the most unusual way and walked up to god; said i had no way to pay. right then, the world cut in, and the lights started to dim. breathing out lies and inhaling the truth, the gypsy psychic comes to show us her booth. the last one to know and the last one exposed, you were the first one to sink in this beautiful snow. i don't know what she sees. i'm crumpled up like dead leaves. picking up the pace, but i know i'll never go home. measuring the distance because there's nothing i own. there's nothing i own. it's all been written in code.

come stand in the river of what you see. nothing moves if you're standing next to me. a virgin to thoughts that had never crossed my mind, but i feared the innocence was fading and i was running out of time. predated back to the sixteenth century when love was a weapon, but you held it gently. and in the dark, i etched my name upon the scattered thoughts in your brain. i wanted to erase my face, but i couldn't see that it was already too late.

as soon as i departed, i played that song. i couldn't help but think that i did something wrong. i had a second heartbeat, and in those minutes, i wanted to remain. and as the glass broke, it sliced into my veins.. something soft and strange.

go ahead and sleep in the moment of what you never said, but you'll never wake up if you stay in your bed.

(0318) unknown callers

nursery rhymes are sucking the life out of me.
going back and forth; repeating endlessly.
do the math to find out two plus two is five.
hooray for poisoning the air whenever i have to drive.

jaded by the mystery of broken art.
i read between the lines and try to play my part.
focusing on all the misplaced stars at night..
then realizing it was just my faulty sight.

$19.95 plus tax, shipping and handling.
if only someone picked up a phone to answer me.
unknown caller speaking in an unknown language,
and she drowned in the water that accumulated under that bridge.

i have so much left to say. i'm somewhere in between excuse and reason.
i let it float for days and days. i never make sense when i'm having trouble breathing.

i break my legs when i'm trying to escape..
i'll make mistakes when things are going great..
but i can't fake the way i'm feeling now.

no, this ain't something i know how to fake.

(0317) another face in the crowd

we crash into each other's silence. i choose to remain
the way i am; the way i've always been - chasing the thoughts in my brain.

ingredients get mixed together, and then they're thrown in the oven.
four weeks later, it tastes perfect. i think i'm sliding on ice again.

she's stuck in neutral with her eyes shut. the meaning is hard to see.
learning how to hold her breath and swim, she's starting to feel free.

it's just instinct, but i can go for hours without any movement. i'm just another face in the crowd.
i have every right to make this move faster, but i'd rather keep my feet on the ground.

draw it out as much as possible because this is the best part.
never wanna go back now. no one wants an empty shopping cart.

we play dumb until the sun comes up, and then i'm on my way.
keep coming back to the same page just to stare at the blank, white space.

drinking water's probably poison. i'm trying to run some tests.
experimenting with the variables.. i'm gonna need lots of rest.

in the morning, i'll have to remember what i don't want to. i'll have to remember the truth.
and i'll just act like none of this had ever happened. i'll just act like there was no proof.

(0316) moving downward quickly

protection - a shadow moving with.

a distraction that fills these holes back up with blood.
my heart is always trying to be on the run.

but the same frame i'm always stuck inside
is the same one in which i can hardly hide.

i'm just a crack in your reflection of light.
i'm the dust that you can't see at night.
i disappear in the coldness of rain.
you're like lightning going through my veins. so bright.

we're sedated from the passing time.
it's no surprise i'm getting lost in the rhyme.
connect the dots to find what you thought was not there.
zoom in to see every single strand of hair. only a small crime.

moving downward quickly in a world that never seems to die.

(0315) invalid forms of thought

emblematic of the cameras that haunt us, you peel your face off in the nick of time.
this drug is cheap, but it's the one i need. a safe place where i can live inside.

indifferent only to the point of extinction, ideas are wasted on invalid forms of thought.
they fill this room with their vacant air and have nothing to say when they choose to talk.

we tried to speak, and we kept trying to write. we tried for hours to turn on a light.

debased with cruelty in a waiting room, but their devices are never even put to use.
a short length across the street, a man sinking in sand claimed he once knew the truth.

the walls are closing in. we can't remember why. my clock is ticking fast. i wonder how long left until this starts to die.

beyond this protective skin, you'll find the arteries that keep me warm and help me breathe.
i guess i too have become the modern man - using binary code to document a memory.

(0314) radiation

heart is starving for disintegration, but the answers won't get you all the most reliable information.
mathematical sunset is just one step away, but the rest of the world could disappear if you remained.
emerging language is tearing down walls, but i still feel flawed.
repeating the same thoughts in my mind on a dime.. through cold air, i fall.

clouds barely matter now because i know what's behind them, but this feeling here - no, this is something that i can't send.
a stranded visitor just looking for some kind of directions, and all i know how to do is keep asking questions.
this time clock is driving me out of my head, and i'm leaving a trail of bread.
sat in silence just staring at a screen.. if one of us is alive, then one of us must be dead.

my condition is fixed to your limbs so i hope they don't break because they're fragile and thin.
electromagnetic radiation is doing me in so i guess either you sink or you swim.

(0313) unlearn the future

traveling backwards. coming up short. wasteland of blood. graveyard of youth.
time escapes. no words to express. a lovely and deteriorating face. this unbridled, beautiful mess.
hydration for a dehydrated slob. rain on the way, canceling out my gaze. off the charts. into a maze.
climbing to heaven. falling to death. original scars and the taste of a breath.

positive energy. sleeping alone. desperate emotion. save some for me.
mistaken beliefs. pulled from the wreckage. standing in silence. words no one reads.
losing the point. losing my brain. lobotomy fucked up, and a cold heart remains.
saving up excuses until the sunrise. cash the checks and breathe out what's been deprived.
paint what you feel. you only get the rest of your life.

this one is different. this one is a shot in the dark, and the pain lingers on even when the moon is awake.
i think if i died, i'd probably die because of this earthquake.

(0312) dynamic pitch and standard notation

senses dulled and out of touch. don't even wake up in time for lunch.
all i ever had was what didn't matter.
cracked open like the other eggs and guilty with no omissions made.
i wonder if we can get any fucking sadder.

i understand that void in you, but we can't change the tunnels we've been through.
life remains in pieces so you salvage what you can.
i've walked beside myself for years. these experiences filtered from my eyes as tears,
but i still believe instinct will lead to the promised land.

now, i've figured out so many things... so many songs that i've learned to sing.
but, this one, i don't think i'll ever catch on to how it's supposed to go.
i try to recite it line by line, but i get tripped up every time.
carefully make my way through the fragile ice and thick layers of snow.

fluorescent lights and a waste of time. then, later, a phone call from an old friend of mine,
and i guess we're still trying to put this jigsaw puzzle back together.
still trapped under the dirt that's accumulated over the years. we numb ourselves to ignore our fears,
and i keep wasting ink on writing all these pointless letters.

we're forgetting what it feels like to be passionate about the things we like.
spring is trying to talk to me, but i'm quite busy.
on roads that probably lead nowhere, but that's okay because we never cared.
i guess i can only hope that certain people will come along with me.

you'll have broken glass if you want what was enclosed. those answers - no one ever knows.
i don't know what day it is because keeping track of time is barely ever on my mind.
right now, you think your future's gone, but when tomorrow comes, it'll prove you wrong.
i'm going outside to face the wind and cold, but i'm wondering what i'll find.

(0311) hope matters

hope matters, but it didn't matter for her until it was convenient so who's stuck in neutral now? i've thought of her face many times since then, but i've realized i have better things to think about. better faces and better places. moving into the wall of sound that she couldn't hear if she tried... and i'm so happy i said goodbye.

i colored outside the lines for myself, and she'll never comprehend that.

drained all the water out of that plastic bottle and just bought another.

unknown. a fake establishment built on a house of cards. never again. i close the door and rub my eyes. can't give up because of an overarching, undying sky. wasted a few minutes staring into a broken telescope and came out on the other side of life. i contemplated the silence of the world in that peaceful, flowing stream with dead fish caught up in the wires. signs that led to a realization of where i was.

some weeks later, a soul interlinked with ours vanished in a flicker of light. i hesitated a few times from day to day, ignoring it as if it never happened. just a figment of my imagination, i'd say. the truth, however, was far more cruel. the fact remains that what we witnessed and what we were a part of happened.. and was beautiful.. and that can't be taken away.

time is only split up in fragments so it's impossible to dream continuously. we miss what we've only grasped at. our thoughts now going through the air at the speed of light - but someday, we won't need that technology to cross vast distances. i'll wait for it with the passion of my entire existence, and i won't grow impatient because i know it's only building up the fire so, for when that times comes, it'll have all the space in the world to breathe and burn slow.

(0310) erasing your face

i'm coming up in smoke rings. i can't control things so i'm detaching your beautiful wings. i'm writing. i'm barely eating. i'm just arriving, and i'm not leaving. i'm falling. i'm calling your name out. there's no doubt.
there's no doubt.

i'm erasing your face from this building. i'm so uptight, and now i'm just anticipating it.
you disappear. i see death. i see darkness. i see nothing holding me together.
this weather isn't getting better. i'm not sending letters.
i fucked up.
you fucked up.
i laugh out loud and ignore the crowd.

i'm surfacing and floating away.
i wish you would stay, but i don't think it'll happen.
it never works out this way.

i'm long gone. i'm reading all i can, but the reasons are fleeting.
nothing makes sense except for this. does this even exist? i doubt it.
i doubt it.

(0309) digital resolution

vacant release. i'm not making sense.
there are toxic fumes pouring in through the vents.
just let me choke and pass out here.

cold shower again as i try to look ahead.
voices from another room make me feel blessed.
i'm dying slowly like the rest of them.

don't forget to breathe.
don't forget to breathe and scratch at the fleas.

they could care less, but that's okay.
they're feeding off all the mistakes they've made.
soon, karma will catch up before too long.

don't forget to sing.
don't forget to sing and fall asleep to dream of nothing.

they'll be wondering where they went wrong.

(0308) torn in both directions

every day, the air feels the same. if you don't know how, don't look at me now.
everything's gonna bring me down. i can already see the blood coming out.
someone else will take my place. a better looking face with a different name.
i want a piece in the back of my mind, but there's nothing, nothing, nothing to find.
i can't survive this mess if i tried. i wish i could leave and say goodbye.

teeth go numb, and i look at the light.. and every time i look, it's blinding my eyes.

i talk in code, and the customers know they'll get what they need if they ignore what they see.
again, i wish this would end.
dear god, could you make it happen?

i try to get up and move around, but my friends don't even hear the sound.
a million people screaming - all in my dreams. i wake up, but they're haunting me.
we're basically animals that have learned to cry. get a new idea when the old one dies.
the early ones will get there late as the slowest ones will get there on time, but it's all the same.

can you wait here?
i'm still alive, but i'm getting scared.

(0307) lost and found pt. 3

watching you in reverse just makes me feel worse, and the words i write get lost in the night.
my silence has fucked up all the things that i've loved, but this time, i wouldn't care if someone stopped to stare.
are we folding our clothes? at this point, there's still nothing i know. talking to myself while the ice starts to melt.
we're walking alone. the distance is lodged inside of our bones. the receipt says to come again, but all i think of is when.

the cost is of no concern. watch the earth as it turns, and if it keeps up with the sun, i think i'd steal the air from those lungs.
maybe the invisible war between darkness and day can give birth to something new if we can meet somewhere halfway.
all that i need are a few tiny seeds and soil to hold the roots inside these discarded notes.

i come apart. i drive in circles. a stranger's heart is cold and happy, but someone else's is warm and sad.
wait for good news and watch it never come. taste the moment and savor it until it's gone.
i always listen to songs until they're done.

(0306) lost and found pt. 2

colors blend to a new distraction. a cigarette in the echo of time, we were like kids.
neon smoke and a lazy sunday. you see your reflection in the mirror of where you've been.
blurry photographs show the details. the best lies are always caught inside of the lens,
and pulling random words into a sentence was always the easiest way that i could live.

dictation writes out a different story - the ending of which we can never see.
now paranoia tends to run in the family, and it's come naturally ever since i learned how to bleed.
the future's written on a rotting sidewalk, and our memories are left fading in between the cracks.
i thought i saw you once in a movie, but then i realized i was living in the past.

music becomes a third person perspective in which the feelings mimic my own.
pretty melodies in lyrical daydreams - we get sucked into the air as we're headed home.
water filter needs to be changed soon, and this printer seems to be running out of ink.
there were times i couldn't swim any further and had to let go of the past when it needed to sink.

faster and slower than i've ever been moving, but it's best to pretend that there's nothing there.
water dripping from a leaky faucet is never the water that you want to use if you care.
collapsing walls are falling all around us... memory erased by a beautiful disease.
i found a page from a different notebook, and it seems like something good to read.

the only way out alive is by stealing what was rightfully mine to begin with.
another fire will die. connecting dots until the truth comes out with a purpose.
the only way out alive is to convince myself to move instead of being lifeless.