(0334) a phantom feeling

winter's ending, and this has made that clear.
i don't feel coldness when i'm next to her.
open all the windows. let the wind rush in..
because i'm camping out by the brightest fire.

break the silence with random trivia.
realize i don't remember what does not matter.
try not to show what i'm really thinking.
a phantom feeling that gets caught up in the night.
can't tell where i'm headed so i must be inside of a dream.

straight as the arrow
that stuck right into my chest.
now all i'm missing is something written in paper or stone.

forget about the anxiety and oncoming stress.
just concentrate on my pulse in the moment.
say it out loud.
"this can never end."

(0333) patience and momentum

full refund on the purchase price. never think twice if you want be nice. i'm just floating further along. decide on when you're planning to die, and i'll wake up in time to act surprised.

i want to close off every new road. i want to pay you by the hour for standing here in the cold. i've set up shop in this endless fog, and everything is free no matter what the hidden cost.

can't buy yourself a watch to watch the time slip away because we'll always be waiting on that perfect day. the conversation points to the sun, and i feel like i'm messing with a loaded gun.

lost receipts were my only excuse. i couldn't refuse this if i wanted to. patience and momentum work hand in hand, and i don't know if i have what it takes to be a modern man so i keep pressing on until my feet go numb. i taste the idea, but i have no idea where it came from. no, i have no idea where it came from.

i'll never know where it came from.

(0332) inconclusive

i kill the mood. i strangle the room. i make everything break into two. i filter out what's pure instead of what's not. i feel alone. i don't seem real. solipsistic? no wonder i get ridiculed. you're all around, but i'm not even there. am i fucked up or is it all in my head? my head is filled with paper and way too much lead.

she left a hole inside of my heart. it needs to be filled, but this shit can't be art. mumble out loud and stare at my face. faces are pretty. faces are great. i wish, i wish i knew how not to look fake. i don't understand how someone could relate. nobody's happy. they're just on constant highs. so why then, oh why do i even try?

i don't get it. someone tell me why i'm empty in purpose and confused by something as simple as the sky. where do we go from here? the days are the same. if i fuck something up, i'll be to blame.

(0331) untitled no. 2

i can barely hear myself when i start talking. i can barely hear the thoughts that explain what i say.
i don't care to waste my time on what's never offered. i don't care to waste my time on what's not there.
slowly, i erase the ink that's left over from my fever. slowly, i walk away from what has no guarantee.
just when you think your tank is full, it starts leaking.
just when you're about jump, the water recedes.

all i can do is wait around for nothing to happen. all i can do is praise a beautiful, dying sun.
when i look around, i'd like to find every secret. when i look around, i want to see what's not visible.
don't know what i saw in that other excuse of a picture. don't know why i took so long to push it away.
trying to change my view and the lens that i see through..
trying to avoid the traps that come out when i assume i know where i'm at.

i wanna break away. i wanna leave it all behind.

(0330) out of sight

faded canvas comes to life. the secret told in the silence of night.

the dated, dusty roads are all that still remain. please let me know if i'm going to need a coat.

a disappearing writer whose words won't get him far because he's always been too busy talking to the stars.

the atrophy is speeding up. your magnetic soul consists of everything i'm not.

stuck in the air and going down, but i don't really care.

is this really what it is, or am i lost inside another dream?

persist with what you wish. the desert's in your eyes, and i need something stable to keep me alive.

i was a prisoner of war. i was bloodied and bruised. i made it out with broken arms, but now everything feels new.

(0329) come true or disappear

dissolve in a digitally-altered wasteland, and i knew this would eventually happen. could only speak when the alarm bells went off. i was washed up on the shore with no memory, and it's with no memory that i'll be cast back out.

better luck in the next life. were we just dreaming? i think i probably was.

stomach churns, and i swallow down the last drops to reassure and remind myself.

(0328) numbered in fingerprints

the information flows. the oxygen controls all the living parts of this - imagined or real. a breath of vacant air could leave me outside the atmosphere, and all this talk could be empty thought that i can't analyze. predictions lead to a waste of time as i think about all the lies that circle around my head at night, but i still feel like an animal that's ready to run off at anytime.

we're lucky to ignore the writing on the wall. the fix is in, and the days are numbered in fingerprints. shut down the roads to truth. they shut down everything i need, and i can't tell if i'm here or there. do i bleed the same? i'm freezing when the water's fine, but i guess my death would be an irony.. no surprise. we drove it 'til the morning light, and i might as well be a fool.

you'll just have to walk away from everything anyway.
you'll act like you want to stay, then leave when it's getting gray.

there's too many things to know, and i have nothing solid to grip or hold.

(0327) the invisible and obvious

the incidental wasn't justified so you took helm of the plane and made your own disaster in the sand. a picture in the wind that was torn apart by empty hearts and a useless question no one seems to understand. his face of doubt was reflected by an image meant to impress all those people who never cared to know him either way. the invisible was obvious, but lazy minds were oblivious to all that could happen in a single day.

distance was a reason, but it's no longer legal to induce the direction of all these paper planes. they make no stops with constant turbulence, but their course is predictable almost to the point that nothing else other than a memory remains.

she saw the end and waited in the parking lot. she knew that something had to give if she was going to give an inch. there's gotta be a parasite crawling through my dreams at night because when i wake up, i'm still feeling half asleep; the thought of what i've wasted makes me want to cringe. i'll play along until i'm playing by myself in disregard of my intentions to be more sociable and socially aware. the indecision was brought on by not having 20/20 perfect vision, but someone had to strip this flooring bare.

(0326) silent pop song no. 2

wearing thin and breaking the codes of innocence.
lost in her gaze, lost in her maze and being confused again.

watch the time go down the drain as i ignore the rising flames
that engulf the house where we await our fate.

processing the mail; i don't understand when i'm about to fail.
the cost is getting higher than the wage, and the paychecks seem fake.

i don't want to see all the blood that might be wasted on me.
transfer your calls. this is writing in the context of being half asleep.

if the fortune was true, then you'd know right now.
but i'm not asking for more if you don't know how.

i'm slipping on every crack in sight. the sun won't stay where i want it to.
i'm disappearing in the darkness of night. that way i won't have to think it through.

(0325) silent pop song

confined to our little space,
my brain's in a thick foggy haze
because all these words are probably a waste.
i survive the only way i know how.
the only paranoid one in the crowd,
and i keep all these thoughts to myself.
feel the future come to life in a dusty apartment when everyone is asleep.
i'm a few steps away from losing my sanity.. just trying to conduct some of your heat.

just in time for the water to leak,
i don't feel the ground under my feet
because i'm living my life through a daydream.
the effects of a bad mood and no patience
are not going to help me gain any new friends,
and the dizziness doesn't help me make much sense.
i get trapped in between the mirrors i keep staring at, and they won't disappear.
this feeling that i'm getting is starting to bother me, but i'm ignoring the fears.

to stay... or leave... and slowly decay...
with her, every day feels like the first day.

(0324) a guessing game

in another life, i was mystified by the meanings of what i saw outside. some kind of daydream that stayed in my head - it never left me since then, and it will never leave until i'm finally dead. when the sun cuts out; when i fade to black, i'll just laugh it off. i'll laugh it off while trying my best not to cough, but as the ink dries up, i'll be drinking from your empty cup because i can't get enough. i'll never get enough. lately, i've been separating the thoughts that keep me from concentrating.

according to socrates, we no longer see. we're stripped of love and empathy. on tightened wires, they hold tight our words. they're delivered in the blink of an eye, but the voices are never heard. i'm working on a problem that's gonna conquer us all. i'm no stranger to happiness, and sometimes i don't believe in right or wrong. i thought i saw you in movies. you always played the sun that lit up the sky. a victim of much-needed change, but that's what happens when you lose your sight. i'm just a moth lost in the light.

it's a guessing game. no one knows for sure. we have maps and charts, but giving up is the only cure. the fear is overwhelming in these new open-ended books. bacteria thrives in all the places you never look. out of breath whenever i come falling from the highest of unmeasurable heights. trying to break the spell i've been put under. it's a little-known weakness of mine, but i don't care because it makes me think i'm alive.

(0323) measuring the distance pt. 5

surrendered to the vaccuum of dissolving space and time the feelings of resentment that compliment her pride. her center of expanding gravity is pulling her inside. the axis of the seasons feels like it's starting to sway, and i've seen the beauty of the night swallow the ugliness of the day. motion is a phantom that makes you think there's overwhelming change, but i can't feel my blood as fast as it's moving through my veins. i settled down for rest only to end up tired, and if you light a match near gasoline when you're filling up with fuel, you just might end up with fire. hiding in your words won't ever get you far, and you'll be floating downstream because you got distracted looking at the stars. a sentimental memory.. that's all that is to me. i'm never going back to look at what i never could see.

there was another constellation, and i couldn't look away without reminding myself of all the times i've gotten stuck on those deadly interstates. you're allergic to the side effects, but it's your own damn fault. there's too much paint that's covering up these fragile walls. she had one too many, and i didn't have enough. all last-minute concerns were poured into glasses and quickly got mixed up. the insoluble remainders were left to wash away as i skipped around inside my head and let my senses fade. i was warm inside, and in that moment, i escaped from everything that bothered me as if i was hidden in that shade. i fell asleep just to realize i was still awake. right then, i was almost certain that this glass was about to break. false alarm was overstated, but that's why it worked. they say that god is on our side, but of that, i'm not so sure. everyone's too far away. that's what i hate the most, but these songs will never have to end if we're going to travel down this road.

(0322) measuring the distance pt. 4

adjunct copies were made in my brain, and i shrugged off the near minimum wage. this connection doesn't even exist in the same way. false light, it was destined to shine on the distant souls at the back of the line so i'm waiting; just biding my precious "time". algorithm got lost in my memory, and now it's not coming back. this fraction is cleared in one swift melody, but my broken face is somehow still intact. pixelated obsession. just frail with no confessions. the beauty was going to turn to dust at some point.

press play when you're ready to listen. decide on the indecisions and write it down as a small piece of autobiographical fiction. it can't be a fact if it never happened. just pretend that it never happened. everything was a passing distraction. we revive what's been dead for seven centuries, and then we're bound to go astray. make time if you want to. i hope you want to because my face is starting to look the same. dressed up like a paper tiger and fading away in the future like a splintering fire. the past was going to catch up with you at some point.

so walk the other way in silence and don't forget to pay off your debts. walk the other way in silence and don't remember where we've been. i always pass out towards the end.