(0354) energy and entropy

surreal photos remind me of my daydreams... seems like i'm always adding more and more gasoline.
remembered all the reasons that i made up as i went... slowly and quietly grew more and more discontent.

can't feel around for what was never there when the lights went out.
forgot about everything that ever made me doubt.

sat in a coma and watched as the sun went by... you'll never see me mad. you'll never see me cry.

patience and silence lead me to the promised land... where what is beautiful makes believers out of circumstance.
corrected the time and date before it went bad... but people never stop thinking about what they had.

do i sound like every other instrument? i guess my guilt won't be found in my fingerprints.

(0353) false start

beautiful face. something impossible to replace. another word to erase without ever leaving a trace. she's a needle in the hay, but all my thoughts run astray. i get stuck inside all the gray, and she doesn't want to hear me explain.

i go out of my way just to fall, and i'm just ignored. sometimes i don't even know what my feelings are for.

fission occurs and right then is when my vision starts to blur. she likes it shaken, not stirred..
but i liked it just the way that we were..

been standing on the side of the road for what feels like an eternity..
and i don't know in which direction i should be attempting to go..

(0352) dressed in fog

looked at the time.. got lost in a rhyme..
disappear every day for the rest of my life..
i can't see why this hasn't died when i'm driving on empty..
failed to move for reasons unknown..
she says she'll always be cold and doesn't want anything to hold..
and i'd leave it alone if we didn't have phones and all these useless devices..
it's not a regret. it's basically already been said..
everything you wrote was a dream in your head..
i shouldn't talk when i'm falling asleep. i should probably know better.

the goal post keeps moving further away. she doesn't really feel like leaving, but she doesn't want to stay. until then, i'll have to try to keep myself awake.

(0351) a pretense in vapidity

and the cautious were always the first to react when you'd tell them what they lack.. when you don't have the blood for their hearts. i'll stay around, but it's not gonna last. so you wait for the balloon to pop in your hands.

and the cautious were always the first to destroy any feeling that was left from the future leftovers of the past. they stand in line for the truth, but it never comes untainted by your hazy recollections of your youth.

start the movie over again because i lost my thoughts, and they left me out in the cold. the fever comes and goes. and the cautious were always alone.. so they stick to what they know. it's pointless to water flowers that you don't want to grow.

(0350) technicalities of fine print

heaven's light has a useless backdrop. no one ever blinks at the very end. i'm going bankrupt with all the stormy weather, and we have to lease ourselves out so we can pay the rent. radar lets you know the rain isn't going away soon, but likewise, i'll be prepared for a massive drought. he looks in the mirror, but all he sees are the cracks, and he hasn't got the time to fix them nor to even figure them out.

so dream on.. just ignore the beep, and dream on until you can't sleep.

i listen to the song a thousand times, but it won't change the outcome of what has made itself known. i would erase everything i'd ever written if it was going to stop everything in my life from turning to stone. the cigarette smoke gets caught up under my breath. i choke and slowly return to the way that i was. laughter becomes a cruel means of substituting what i don't want to think about when i'm not having fun.

(0349) disconnect the phone lines

this is only temporary. it can never last a lifetime. there's too many variables to even count. i'll be left in silence wondering where the time went the moment you decide to move along. i'm not content to accept the fact that things will always change. that's still what my problem is today. i wish that i could freeze the frame and always hold it near, but the truth is there's always this overwhelming fear.

disconnect the phone lines. disconnect my memory, and i have nothing but a beating heart. i wish i didn't feel because feeling leads to anguish as soon as you are told to move along. so i'm breaking down transmissions. i'm not going to sit around and wait to be left inside an abandoned dream of hope.. and if i don't come back, well, then, it's probably for the best. that way, no one would ever have to know.

breathing is unkind in the way it just makes you long for more. i won't know which way to turn when being cut loose, and the saddest part about it is i should have learned by now, but i'm constantly putting my neck into a noose. i don't want to be a stranger. i don't want to be a friend. i just want to save up for a rainy day. nothing satisfies me when i feel like i'm waiting for my demise. i'd go blind anyway if i kept looking at those eyes.

(0348) views and focal points

i'm a synapse passing through a shell of what i used to think i knew. i had everything i needed. music to keep me company and books to read. i blamed the silence on myself. i never wanted to need help. i made a world to live inside, and i was certain it was right. and when you become so deluded, it's near impossible to see the truth. i was standing on a cliff, and now i'm laying in the sun. different views.. different focal points.. i no longer feel old. i feel young.

it's like that time i learned to listen during the movie's intermission. you should never stop paying attention. you should never stop reading the book.

but a million books couldn't save me now. i don't read anymore, and i don't know how.
i don't find their stories worth my time. i'm emitting my own light.

the past stays in the past, but i'll make something last. i don't know how, but i will try. i will try until i die, and i'll keep moving on alone.