(0384) state of denial

self-determination isn't an answer. the floor falls out from underneath. helpless, we still emerge from the black hole, unscathed in appearance. a flicker of suggestive possibilities looming ahead is forgotten, and i move on to the next one without skipping a beat. variety is lacking, but i didn't expect much anyway. these streets are a dime a dozen, and since this could exist anywhere because it exists everywhere, it is really nowhere.. and that's a shame.. but so is the majority of the history of our human existence.. no more valuable than the shit that gets flushed down the toilet.

but cynicism holds no value either. caught in a state of denial, the question goes unanswered because everything that's not finite can neither be dead nor alive.. if only we could get a ticket to that realm.. (wink wink)

as far as i can tell, the sky is still blue, the grass is still green, and the sun is still burning. as far as i can tell, i'm already fucked but haven't figured it out just yet. keep floating until i reach the exit and keep hoping you're headed where i'm headed.

(0383) commutation

and when i look at you now, all i see is silence.

a disappearing monument to the memories we hold so dear with vague recollections.
a cigarette to walk back all the wasted neurons spent on memorizing.
and there's nothing at the turnpike now.
i once was blank and out of sorts, and then i ended up inside a vacuum of hazy skylines.
just picturing the perfect view.
make me an offer i can't refuse, and i'll choke on my breath.
walls of sound are the only replacement for a worthless youth.
your soul is etched into the blood of my veins, but you fail to understand what i mean.
i try to believe in things that i know are not real, if only because it's an interesting dream.

to have had to struggle to get here was not in the plan,
but i love the moments that make me realize that i don't know where i am.