contusion in limbo

(0376) welcome the new world

2012-01-07T03:10:00.004-06:00

today was going to be the day, but everything was gone before we even knew what happened. we stepped outside to find a world devoid of any signs of life. the wind was cold, but that deafening silence sounded beautiful... that is.. until it was taken from us.

this new world was adrift in sleeping pills and toxicating obsessions with other peoples' delusional escapades. the sound of hysteria. everyone was becoming or had already become just another statistic - even all the people you personally grew up knowing... you thought some of them would've surely turned out to be interesting... but maybe that was exactly what was interesting in a sad way.. the fact that they didn't at all. the fact that none of them did.

it could almost lead one to sum up almost everyone in their life into some kind of boring and standard situational comedy that used laugh tracks to set the mood. 'everybody loves raymond' or 'friends' come to mind. thirty years you could sleep through and wake up with possibly nothing exciting having happened.

how did it come to this? that would be the million dollar question..
no.. the gazillion dollar question.

. . . but the truth is probably a gazillion lightyears away, having already evolved past anything we could even conceive to become.

if so, i guess we'll just have to find or create some kind of beauty in this galaxy of swirling shit, at least in our minds - if for anything - to satisfy our hunger for meaning... which most likely keeps us from evolving any further anyway.

happy fucking new year, 2012. this is some really beautiful shit.

(0375) unusual daydream

2011-12-29T22:34:00.003-06:00

underground, their carcasses rot as the future spirals out of control.. not unlike souls that couldn't do anything but help to take notice. what was your name? why is the sky chock-full of the lies of limitless possibilities? this doesn't surprise him. we were waiting on the other side of a promise that never came.

three weeks later, all was known, and it wasn't pretty. we exhaled the abstract sounds of the summer and didn't know who we were. from then on, i was leaking that strangest fluid of mystery that made me think i was different every passing day. the thing that made me think i was who i was. information age lacking, what could have been responsible for this new, foreign substance? it didn't matter. this idea of rising to the top and being loved by too many people to count was always bullshit anyway.

we would've loved to float around with the stars, but reality fucked us all over. imagination was useless. right now, we choke on our words and spit out broken sentences. yes. this is what meaning is all about.

(0374) empty chairs

2011-12-17T22:20:00.001-06:00

i take the bad and form it into some good.
i used to assume my life had been overlooked.
my ceiling is never higher than what i need,
and i stand inside a haze of disillusioned dreams.
leave it to silence to ask us why
we never feel anything because we never have the time.
i feel my veins starting to fill up with blood,
but there's nothing left. it's just a rationing of luck.
you hold the flash cards as i try to remember
where we were eight years ago on this day in december.
we wait for summer to hydrate our brains
with what's been lost in the freezing, winter rain.
i need to carry over all that feeling
that i used to have when we were just barely breathing.
what doesn't bloom eventually comes back later
as i dream of empty chairs and blank pages of paper.
i loved his sister in the way i loved music.
with passion oozing from my pretentious confusion.

a circle doesn't need to finish where it starts.
it goes round and round while forcing our plans to come apart.
and that's a good thing once you realize you're dead.
a bullet i've seen many times inside my own head.
---
this is all i need - an everchanging picture that represents my past.
it's been too long, and it's gone by all too fast.

(0373) sand castles

2011-10-25T00:55:00.002-05:00

focused inward with a reasonable intent.. when nothing comes out of loss.
when a few brief seconds change the way in which you see..
and it's not my right to be so disappointed..
when it's something i refuse.

but in the end, it doesn't matter where you've been.
we're all the same. little insects obsessed with fame.

i was looking for my keys the other day when a memory made me reminisce.

why can't i experience that again? why must i be taunted? is it deluded in my head?

i hate that time goes by without regard to man.
oh well.
maybe in time, we'll build something with all that sand.

(0372) on the table

2011-10-12T23:02:00.001-05:00

the indifferent hold to apathy. they say it all blends together just the same. most directions lead to nowhere. everyone else is all to blame. you wake up in the morning... while other people are going to sleep. you can't decide what you want for breakfast... while others can't even afford to eat. but the television screen tells you what to believe - a delusion of security. lost in our thoughts and fantasies, only devolution becomes a certainty.

as for the condensation, it's making it hard to see. there's still time to focus, but we're running out of time to breathe. and the silence only stalls while the dreams only get more scary and surreal. i subscribe to a dead man's philosophy. he makes you forget what it means to feel. we're in a haze past the golden age. the faster we move, the worse it gets. no one knows their identity, and their money is backed up by nothing but debt.

the lights just blink for no reason. our ability to reason is gone. every time we think we have all the answers, they all turn out to be wrong. a million identical products, and we think we are so unique. every new thought process is just another flavor of the week, and the information age is like the black plague. overloaded on empty desires, the instant we lose our connection, our brains are like cigarettes with no lighters.

now, i've placed my memory on the table. the emotion is much too great. we're surrounded by all this apathy, and the monotony is hard to break. there are sirens in the background, and there's a train making us sit and wait. a passing, scant reminder that we're all up against time and fate. come rain or shine, she will be mine. the sky is a sea of blue. existence is blurred. my thoughts are absurd, but everything has changed now that i'm with you.

(0371) fraction of necessity

2011-09-13T01:25:00.001-05:00

i'm running out of time. i've got the end of the world on my mind.
right now, the future's either going to help, or it's going to put us in a fast and further decline.
i just make my peace with everyone and tell myself that i cannot resign..
but i'm a fraction of necessity, and i'm always slipping more and more behind.

the insufficient have their excuses, but the perfectionists will never be happy.
i familiarize myself with every word i can't describe or pretend to read..
so i establish learned forgetfulness, but it only seems to lead to apathy.
my assumptions are never right, therefore, i don't know who i want to be.

(0370) where the sentence started

2011-09-07T02:24:00.004-05:00

remain a little bit just like me.
retain the information after
i've gone to sweep the dirt away, and
i'll show you where the sentence started.

some mistakes are easy.
all you have to do is relearn
just what it means to be afraid of letting go
of what was never yours to start with.
we are slaves to it all so end the same song and make a call.

we have no second or third chances.
we make our lifeboats out of nothing.
these moments hardly ever matter.
last taste of air before i suffocate on my own thoughts.
it's not my fault.
it's what we never dreamed or hoped it was about,
but i just wanted to breathe the breath from your mouth.

(0369) still life abounds

2011-09-04T01:59:00.002-05:00

light hits your eyes.
melts out everything around.
we keep waking up, and the world is sleeping through a war.
follow 'round until i catch up with myself. still life abounds.

one swing away, but i strike out.
humility and shame.
unravel with the weeds.
the cost of the day. probably higher than the pay.

hard to know these exponential fallacies.
i've covered so much ground, yet still i'm never found.
silence looks at you, and then it laughs at me.

(0368) beyond all doubt

2011-09-02T06:23:00.005-05:00

you make me doubt myself.
you make the earth seem flat.
another paradigm.
another lens distorting.
an echo through the wormhole that led me to this place.
a bullet in my side if this were to ever end or go astray.

faster than what was known. somewhere new to call home.

the future's never certain.
of this, i know beyond all doubt.
that's why i write these words.
that's why we'll never figure life out.
i won't acknowledge a ceiling if we can get around it.
my blood's too convoluted to ignore what makes it flow.

(0367) repeating forever

2011-08-24T18:43:00.000-05:00

fictional account only accounts for what was always true.
reaction time is slowed so the meaning of it all is hard to know.
up against a wall. been held back by your lack of consequence.
i'm watching what unfolds. no way to change the outcome of it all.

feeling somewhat lost. breathing through a hole in the fog.
seating's somewhat cramped. no room to move. it must be some sort of trap.
the first thing that i see is a picture of a baby that's already dying.
the last thing that i hear are the fallout sirens repeating forever.

(0366) apathetic daydream

2011-08-19T14:59:00.002-05:00

her dream is dead. she wades through a wasteland.
she forgets how to run and needs someone's help to stand.
so many messages. so many hours. i'm allergic to dead and rotting flowers.
pencil pushers carving out their destiny. no - that's not for me. i need some reconstructive surgery.
creating something out of nothing is all that i know to do.
i drain out the bleach and add in whatever makes me think of the color blue.
a prison cell. the end of the work shift. a piece of meat.. lingering bullshit.
if i went away, would it be just as well then? i'm sure i sounded like every other person.

i've gone so long without another soul. maybe i'll fall into another black hole.

grasping for what should be mine. why should we push rewind?

(0365) minimum deposit

2011-08-16T01:55:00.001-05:00

based in solipsism, we cast away our hopes, hoping to be born again under a different microscope. faced with many outcomes, some real and some imagined, we evaluate the direction in which we think we're going and try to control what's bound to happen. headache numbing happiness is an unfortunate reminder that nothing will ever be perfect when you think you see mountains of smoke but you can never find the fire.

in the basement, you will find my fears collecting dust in a shitstorm. my reaction, leaving much to be desired, is the minimum deposit required.

the party is over. we have to swim before it gets colder.

(0364) silent and hungry

2011-08-05T14:52:00.001-05:00

say what you want. i'm not immune to the poison of this world,
but i distance myself from the things i can't afford.
i live with a fear that it will all come crumbling to the ground.
these debts are imaginary, and that's why my deepest thoughts are never found.
silent and hungry for a new day.

standing on ice makes me see the things that i've never realized.
i can swim far away from here. no doubt about it.
so why do i stay when i should leave this all behind?
i don't know. i'm starting a new thought process.

(0363) a distaste for frequency

2011-07-31T22:01:00.001-05:00

i collapse with three miles left to go and give up right on time. life was crippled from the very beginning. tonight, i'll pretend to be free and enjoy a smoke. my mind is already burning away. forget? if only we could. memory is just up the road.

---

that's the cost of your name in my head. emptiness is passed along by what's not said.

fade away in that ordinary way. something's missing so i'll be sure to show up late.

nice to know that i'm wasting half my life. it's amazing what we think we must do just to survive.

run today while you still have stronger legs.

nothing left.

there's nothing there for me to save.

(0362) in denial

2011-07-27T00:26:00.009-05:00

don't keep your history inside yourself. you won't react to what is changing.
forget about the hole that's eating up your brain. it only makes it that much worse.
i feel the same disconnect confuse my sight. it acts almost just like a filter.

proceed with what you think is divine reason. proof doesn't matter anyway.
another syllable. another mess. come look at life from behind a telescope.
do you regress as a way to fix what's broke?

when this is over, i want nothing back.
when this is done with, i don't want anything left intact.

desensitized to the world's spin.
already baptized myself out of sin.
will you apologize for not letting me into your light? it's already dark. it's already night.

surrender quickly. throw up your hands. they'll never know it wasn't you.
i'm broke. please fix me. everything's past prime. what else am i supposed to do?

(0361) cigarette ash

2011-07-19T01:23:00.003-05:00

connect the dots through the measures of time. too far into debt and too much on my mind.
i'll go swimming through the gutters of my past just to notice everything that never lasts.

leave a message, but no one's listening. no one cares. sat in silence while the silence magnified my fears.
split in two. watched another part of me die. i don't even bother anymore with asking why.

i just had to laugh at all the useless noise that is permeating culture via stupid girls and boys.

connect the dots through cyclical dead ends. just another bite until you feel fed.
say goodbye to what you're holding in your hands. be prepared for when the shit will hit the fan.

i just had to laugh at all the wasted cash we've used on fast food and endless cigarette ash.

(0360) layers of static

2011-06-29T02:47:00.005-05:00

listening through endless layers of static; digging up the earth with my hands
riding futility waves until i black out and writing because i don't know where i stand.
feel the pain when you get to the punch line. build it up just to collapse.
wasting breath on what can't be defended. i should've remembered how to relax.

check the time. it's too late for an ending. water runs out, but i'm still thirsty.
read the labels. they're there to warn you, but i'm always too busy looking around for my keys.
it begs the question but doesn't beg for an answer. no one even cares either way.
i don't see how this is saving any money, but i might change my mind if you pay.

mix up all the sounds until you're upside down,
looking for something to catch you when you fall.
straight up crazy, the amount to which i'm lazy
but i don't know if she understands at all.

my unintended silence holds me to the wall.

(0359) random perfection

2011-06-24T03:31:00.002-05:00

nuclear meltdown without the heart attack.
sore, achy muscles without the cold ice pack.
measured and studied from another time and place.
tried to make up for all the things you tried to erase.

you make your bed,
and i'll make mine too.

my favorite music without the album art.
a good place to end it without a new place to start.
distance and displacement are two entirely different things.
it's not what you've heard before. it's what you've seen.

don't waste any fire. burn it with truth.
these little fragments contain all my proof.

you stay in bed,
and i'll stay in too.

(0358) resulting chaos

2011-06-20T00:22:00.003-05:00

economy drags my soul to sleep. waiting for another check.
they keep saying it's gonna be alright. it doesn't bother them to waste their breath.
they're lost inside their imagination where up is down and day is night.
i had to wake up early just so i could help keep their destructive dreams alive.
people dying left and right, and everyone's a little numb.
i turn on a tv set and realize how dumb culture has become so i start to believe we surely must be fucked.

equality, well what does that mean? does that mean we're all the same?
i don't even know myself anymore, but i know we can't live without all this rain.
gutters are overflowing now, and there's problems we can't fix.
it's all a waste of time when you're numb, but when you're not, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
i can only stay awake and try to keep walking away.
i'm imagining many things myself, but i've gotta keep a steady pace so i disappear and never leave a trace.

(0357) connection lagging

2011-06-15T04:08:00.002-05:00

connection lagging. music distracting.
that's why we stay in the.. dark.
i'm quite discerning but not used to structured learning.
that's why i can't come out of.. park.

think about the earth when i'm lying down.
wonder how it all works without any form of sound.
look into a screen and watch the pixels flow.
if only i could understand. if only i could know.
what cards should i be hiding? what cards should i show?

leave on a light.

leave on a light.

leave on a light... in the middle of the night.

(0356) pretty girls and boys

2011-06-13T02:06:00.001-05:00

traded in the future for your own slice of pizza.
charge it to a debit card. they're accepting mastercard and visa.
negative reaction has a negative remainder.
just 'cause you can't see the light from here doesn't mean you're in danger.

all the fear is distraction.

separate night from day to perceive your writing's split into paragraphs.
there'll never be a final copy. all we have is constant rough drafts.
must ignore what i can't change so i turn my silence into white noise.
never wanna be like all those pretty girls and pretty boys.

all the reason is hidden from tired eyes.

there is no way out if you're constantly looking in the mirror,
and you should never pay attention to every single weather alert.

everything will come around to a sunny day.
it can't be that far off if you still have so many things to say.

(0355) misleading feelings

2011-06-08T03:29:00.003-05:00

we're just decay in the cracks of the pavement. it's all the same. the meaning is definitely absent.
carbon copies get confused about their purpose.
and i'm no different.. i'm stuck on that dirty fuckin' surface.

we walk around looking everywhere for novocaine. i stand there like i exist outside of the freeze-frame.
another false alarm causes suicide.
i attend the funeral and try to keep my spirits high.

scene after scene, i start to remember... everything's been strange since december.
you look away. i stare at the ceiling.
everything seems like it has a double meaning.

she disappears like the drugs i've been taking. she seems real, but i think she could be faking.
flipped off a light switch and fell off a stationary ladder.
i suppose i'll wait for all these misleading feelings to scatter.

(0354) energy and entropy

2011-05-27T23:57:00.003-05:00

surreal photos remind me of my daydreams... seems like i'm always adding more and more gasoline.
remembered all the reasons that i made up as i went... slowly and quietly grew more and more discontent.

can't feel around for what was never there when the lights went out.
forgot about everything that ever made me doubt.

sat in a coma and watched as the sun went by... you'll never see me mad. you'll never see me cry.

patience and silence lead me to the promised land... where what is beautiful makes believers out of circumstance.
corrected the time and date before it went bad... but people never stop thinking about what they had.

do i sound like every other instrument? i guess my guilt won't be found in my fingerprints.

(0353) false start

2011-05-22T03:29:00.010-05:00

beautiful face. something impossible to replace. another word to erase without ever leaving a trace. she's a needle in the hay, but all my thoughts run astray. i get stuck inside all the gray, and she doesn't want to hear me explain.

i go out of my way just to fall, and i'm just ignored. sometimes i don't even know what my feelings are for.

fission occurs and right then is when my vision starts to blur. she likes it shaken, not stirred..
but i liked it just the way that we were..

been standing on the side of the road for what feels like an eternity..
and i don't know in which direction i should be attempting to go..

(0352) dressed in fog

2011-05-16T02:46:00.004-05:00

looked at the time.. got lost in a rhyme..
disappear every day for the rest of my life..
i can't see why this hasn't died when i'm driving on empty..
failed to move for reasons unknown..
she says she'll always be cold and doesn't want anything to hold..
and i'd leave it alone if we didn't have phones and all these useless devices..
it's not a regret. it's basically already been said..
everything you wrote was a dream in your head..
i shouldn't talk when i'm falling asleep. i should probably know better.

the goal post keeps moving further away. she doesn't really feel like leaving, but she doesn't want to stay. until then, i'll have to try to keep myself awake.

(0351) a pretense in vapidity

2011-05-15T19:45:00.005-05:00

and the cautious were always the first to react when you'd tell them what they lack.. when you don't have the blood for their hearts. i'll stay around, but it's not gonna last. so you wait for the balloon to pop in your hands.

and the cautious were always the first to destroy any feeling that was left from the future leftovers of the past. they stand in line for the truth, but it never comes untainted by your hazy recollections of your youth.

start the movie over again because i lost my thoughts, and they left me out in the cold. the fever comes and goes. and the cautious were always alone.. so they stick to what they know. it's pointless to water flowers that you don't want to grow.

(0350) technicalities of fine print

2011-05-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

heaven's light has a useless backdrop. no one ever blinks at the very end. i'm going bankrupt with all the stormy weather, and we have to lease ourselves out so we can pay the rent. radar lets you know the rain isn't going away soon, but likewise, i'll be prepared for a massive drought. he looks in the mirror, but all he sees are the cracks, and he hasn't got the time to fix them nor to even figure them out.

so dream on.. just ignore the beep, and dream on until you can't sleep.

i listen to the song a thousand times, but it won't change the outcome of what has made itself known. i would erase everything i'd ever written if it was going to stop everything in my life from turning to stone. the cigarette smoke gets caught up under my breath. i choke and slowly return to the way that i was. laughter becomes a cruel means of substituting what i don't want to think about when i'm not having fun.

(0349) disconnect the phone lines

2011-05-03T01:27:00.000-05:00

this is only temporary. it can never last a lifetime. there's too many variables to even count. i'll be left in silence wondering where the time went the moment you decide to move along. i'm not content to accept the fact that things will always change. that's still what my problem is today. i wish that i could freeze the frame and always hold it near, but the truth is there's always this overwhelming fear.

disconnect the phone lines. disconnect my memory, and i have nothing but a beating heart. i wish i didn't feel because feeling leads to anguish as soon as you are told to move along. so i'm breaking down transmissions. i'm not going to sit around and wait to be left inside an abandoned dream of hope.. and if i don't come back, well, then, it's probably for the best. that way, no one would ever have to know.

breathing is unkind in the way it just makes you long for more. i won't know which way to turn when being cut loose, and the saddest part about it is i should have learned by now, but i'm constantly putting my neck into a noose. i don't want to be a stranger. i don't want to be a friend. i just want to save up for a rainy day. nothing satisfies me when i feel like i'm waiting for my demise. i'd go blind anyway if i kept looking at those eyes.

(0348) views and focal points

2011-05-01T02:57:00.001-05:00

i'm a synapse passing through a shell of what i used to think i knew. i had everything i needed. music to keep me company and books to read. i blamed the silence on myself. i never wanted to need help. i made a world to live inside, and i was certain it was right. and when you become so deluded, it's near impossible to see the truth. i was standing on a cliff, and now i'm laying in the sun. different views.. different focal points.. i no longer feel old. i feel young.

it's like that time i learned to listen during the movie's intermission. you should never stop paying attention. you should never stop reading the book.

but a million books couldn't save me now. i don't read anymore, and i don't know how.
i don't find their stories worth my time. i'm emitting my own light.

the past stays in the past, but i'll make something last. i don't know how, but i will try. i will try until i die, and i'll keep moving on alone.

(0347) false intentions and faded memories

2011-04-17T19:38:00.003-05:00

if distance equals apathy, i don't want to be free because my history has nothing at all to do with possibility. we run forever in a time machine made of false intentions and faded memories. we recoil like lovers who were meant to remain as innocent as babies.

the paranoid make irrational decisions in an instant. you'll never be forgotten - you'll just be swept up and buried under pavement. twenty-seven centuries go by, and no one notices. existence is just perceived the same way time supposedly passes.

i'm breathing with no air. i'm living under water. i'm not in a hurry, but i just wanna get somewhere. can't feel the sun, but it's best to avoid all that is constant. in these dreams, i'm always needed, but never am i wanted. one taste of blood. old becomes new, but you can't get through.

(0346) swimming towards a light

2011-04-11T23:19:00.002-05:00

saw the rainbow of futility in the mirror and walked away.
didn't deserve what was broken, and in a flash, it disappeared.

took the next exit and decided to study the map.
i've been woken up, but no one will tell me why.

i go wading through a forest of rats and feel dirty when it's over. i will do this as long as it takes.

feeling is irrelevant. i'll see it all in perspective when that wind catches up.

eighty degrees, but it's still too cold to catch my breath.

(0345) waiting

2011-04-03T22:38:00.002-05:00

a straightened edge and blurred out lines. there's no more time. there's no more time.
don't recognize myself at all. can't overcome and climb that wall.
cleaned the mirror, but it made it worse. moving towards death in reverse.
stayed behind to watch it fall apart. had to leave it in the shopping cart and walk away.

it's all i know - how to walk away. it's all i know. i walk away from everything.

the new season is upon us now. i'll leave the raindrops inside a cloud.
disappear into a faded picture and reappear in the form of cryptic literature.
i filtered out what was dead and useless. you can pay me back in nightmares.
dare to stay above the fray. live to exist for another day and then repeat.

wash your hair. repeat. shave your face. repeat.
decide what to eat. repeat. go to sleep. repeat.
don't mess it up, or you'll be sorry... so sorry.

i heard a sound coming from the underground telling me to start over.
and starting over is what i'll do.

it's so obvious. it's crystal clear. i've waited forever so i don't mind waiting here.
the needle glides across the surface. it knows no direction. it knows no purpose.

(0344) predictable feedback

2011-03-22T23:28:00.002-05:00

skip on the record. empty and cold. fill it with lies and the things you were told.
no shame in admitting where you once were. our reasons are useless, and of that, i am sure.
cleaned up your life, and you're still dusting the shelves. they'll never know you if you don't know yourself.
people are either coming or going away. you wanted to help, but you didn't know what to say.

ghost of corruption in a graveyard of what you still recall. don't want to mess it up if there's anything moving at all.
stay out of the way.. keep in your lane. wait for the future to appear in your brain.
you strip off the paint and start over again. this time, i'll be ready when it comes to an end.

(0343) ferment

2011-03-21T23:16:00.005-05:00

scratch it out with the pen in my hand. i'll strive to do only the best that i can.
let it ferment in this tired state of mind. maybe the silence will make it hard to find.
the hidden costs are what i can't afford. it's impossible to even contemplate more.
i don't have what you choose to refuse, and i'll never forget what i never knew.

we only reap what we sow.
i tried playing a beautiful song, but they always come out wrong.
i dreamed of going back home, but the past has ruptured the way things used to be known.
a lie that was never even told.

(0342) the water

2011-03-20T02:05:00.005-05:00

i've started living like a frog. i've made my way from the little puddles to the big ponds.
the seasons have changed, but the confusion has remained... and i'm sure i'll feel different as soon as it starts to rain.
a neon blue lights up my face. i start feeling faded signals pass through my yellow brain.
i'm listening for a sound to tell me which way to go. i'm trying to push, but someone else is trying to pull.

now all my problems get fixed when i'm not lookin'. i feel like i should be busy, but i'm barely movin'.
an unthinkable surprise has opened up my eyes to all the cosmic radiation that keeps me alive.
i made a business deal with a friend. she said if we moved slowly, she would show me where to begin.
the sun never showed - and even the moon - it never came. we looked at each other, but there was no one to blame.

the water stretches, and we unwind. i could make everything so simple, but you would never make up your mind.
what's the point? why pretend that we're so similar? i won't subscribe to the way that things never were.
take a number while i wait. i'll just sit around and act like i don't have anything to say.
hold on to what's inside, and it'll grow like a cancer. you can call this number anytime, but don't always expect an answer.

(0341) black noise and conspiracy theorists

2011-03-15T19:27:00.004-05:00

confliction of mass-marketed interest, and we're crossing the border without using projections or showing our weakness. feelings are separate but equal, and you don't understand why you should view them as actual people. their power is wasted ambition, and no one's allowed to react unless they're given permission. all that happens is random yet fatalistic so why do you act surprised when it's hard to be fully optimistic? traffic is like the water. it's flowing as soon as the temperature gets a little bit hotter. although heavy concerns have been lifted, there's something about it that still feels scripted.. but you didn't read the words.. and i didn't hear the music.

detached all the strings that hold all the lights in their place, but don't be too quick to wander away. the black noise and conspiracy theorists have all left for the day so wake up from your dream to make your spirit happy. how could you forget what it feels like to be happy?

(0340) pattern of broken numbers

2011-03-13T15:30:00.001-05:00

pattern of broken numbers.. split up in pairs and waiting for summer.
we are the new generation.. pouring through holes in a constant rotation.
abandoned all that was missing.. i should have never assumed i was winning.
it's just a repeat revolution.. all they're doing is adding to the pollution.
victim is what he'll be playing.. trying to make you take back what you're saying.
better stick to the edges.. i don't wanna end up in a twisted version of heaven.

guilty of what hasn't been proven.. i'd say it again if i wasn't already movin',
but talking has turned to silence.. you started it so you'll have to end it.
recycle your paper and plastic.. i can't believe i've become such an addict
to the thoughts that feed my neurosis.. almost forgot about all the roses
that are spinning inside their eyes.. it should be some sort of crime.
motion sensor detects no movement.. but there's plenty of room left for improvement.

wanted to run away as soon as i arrived..
wanted to fall back asleep as soon as i woke up... but i never woke up.

(0339) unmarked envelope

2011-03-12T02:57:00.003-06:00

create another password. needle stuck in the vein. all roads are blocked, and love is what remains.
write it out in detail. don't focus on the so-called mistakes. consequence is poverty if you think you're getting paid.
you hold the key, and i hold the lock. if we're making music, i don't want it to stop.

these little pieces only make me long for more.
submerged in the water with nothing else.
if i'm not there, i'll know exactly what this was for.
and i'll just go back to sleep.

fogging up the windows. when does it end? i still believe in fate. it doesn't matter where you've been.
arguing with the silence in my head. don't know if you're alive; don't know if i'm not dead.
i want it to continue every single day. i want it to linger in every possible way.

slowly move your feet and follow what you need.
when the night is over, i'm always feeling ready to give in to my greed.

(0338) coffee stains

2011-03-10T23:26:00.001-06:00

we can't afford that. i can't pay for it.
there is no way i am going to beg for it.
the party's over. i'm on my way home.
i'm feeling sober, and the cold has crept back in my bones.

fixed on an income and the future's lack of reason..
this music confuses, and i don't know how to listen.
design your look, and i'll design my narrow thoughts.
pissed off and rambling to anyone who gives a fuck.

forgot the number. forgot to wash my clothes.
forgot everything except the way the wind blows.
so now i'm vacant in this vacant apartment.
keeping my eyes open just so i can pay the rent.

sometimes, i dream that nothing's happening.
it's hard to wake up when you're in the backseat.

(0337) leaky faucet

2011-03-08T12:11:00.004-06:00

defragmented through the wires that don't exist now in the back of my mind. serrated onto my skin, and i don't even know where to look to begin. lost somewhere in the dark.. can't remember where we are. starving, but i don't care.. because there's something beautiful at which to stare... ... picked up on the disease. the intersectional cuts of a lobotomy. it's still floating somewhere, drifting about. why try to understand what you will always doubt? protective of the things you can't control, and there's no way for you to see this hole. i'd look to see the time on the wall, but i don't want to know that it's moving at all.

guess i'll just have to walk towards the light in the sky.
i can hardly see why nothing comes out when i talk.

dressed up the past and called it home, but now i know.
now, i know.

(0336) a distant reminder

2011-03-05T23:25:00.003-06:00

i stayed up for hours. couldn't even breathe in the smoke. i decided to reverse the curse that i had set in motion with one simple note. i walked in the room. i sneezed and sniffed. allergic reaction. these memories are a distraction. completely corrupted - a long, narrow driveway that i never did back out from.. but that place is just a reminder.. that place is just a distant reminder.

i felt until i couldn't feel.
i prayed until i couldn't kneel.
i put my own hands on the steering wheel, but i'm still waiting for something to confirm that this is real.

write more to keep myself warm, but that is exactly what this is for.

(0335) twenty minutes from the end

2011-03-05T02:39:00.003-06:00

we're cautious to break open the egg.. if we only knew how it would taste. the tragedy is heavy in this air, but circumstance has helped me to prepare. i write it all down at once and use a million different fonts. inhale again and stay up until the negative thoughts are dead. can't keep them out of my head.

i sedate myself to try to get to sleep, and all i hear is the rain falling on the street. false advertisements everywhere you look, but these pages will one day form into a book. he tries to talk, but he can't. he's busy watering the plants. they'll slowly grow and branch out, even in the snow. a new place to call home.

time tries to negotiate with space, but space tells time that it needs to learn to wait. we're only twenty minutes from the end, but i fucked up, and there's no ink left in the pen. attached myself to a string and slowly lowered myself in. i swim until i can't see land, and the sky is in high demand so i decide to reach for your hand.

(0334) a phantom feeling

2011-02-28T01:51:00.003-06:00

winter's ending, and this has made that clear.
i don't feel coldness when i'm next to her.
open all the windows. let the wind rush in..
because i'm camping out by the brightest fire.

break the silence with random trivia.
realize i don't remember what does not matter.
try not to show what i'm really thinking.
a phantom feeling that gets caught up in the night.
can't tell where i'm headed so i must be inside of a dream.

straight as the arrow
that stuck right into my chest.
now all i'm missing is something written in paper or stone.

forget about the anxiety and oncoming stress.
just concentrate on my pulse in the moment.
say it out loud.
"this can never end."

(0333) patience and momentum

2011-02-27T00:53:00.002-06:00

full refund on the purchase price. never think twice if you want be nice. i'm just floating further along. decide on when you're planning to die, and i'll wake up in time to act surprised.

i want to close off every new road. i want to pay you by the hour for standing here in the cold. i've set up shop in this endless fog, and everything is free no matter what the hidden cost.

can't buy yourself a watch to watch the time slip away because we'll always be waiting on that perfect day. the conversation points to the sun, and i feel like i'm messing with a loaded gun.

lost receipts were my only excuse. i couldn't refuse this if i wanted to. patience and momentum work hand in hand, and i don't know if i have what it takes to be a modern man so i keep pressing on until my feet go numb. i taste the idea, but i have no idea where it came from. no, i have no idea where it came from.

i'll never know where it came from.

(0332) inconclusive

2011-02-26T04:15:00.004-06:00

i kill the mood. i strangle the room. i make everything break into two. i filter out what's pure instead of what's not. i feel alone. i don't seem real. solipsistic? no wonder i get ridiculed. you're all around, but i'm not even there. am i fucked up or is it all in my head? my head is filled with paper and way too much lead.

she left a hole inside of my heart. it needs to be filled, but this shit can't be art. mumble out loud and stare at my face. faces are pretty. faces are great. i wish, i wish i knew how not to look fake. i don't understand how someone could relate. nobody's happy. they're just on constant highs. so why then, oh why do i even try?

i don't get it. someone tell me why i'm empty in purpose and confused by something as simple as the sky. where do we go from here? the days are the same. if i fuck something up, i'll be to blame.

(0331) untitled no. 2

2011-02-25T23:09:00.014-06:00

i can barely hear myself when i start talking. i can barely hear the thoughts that explain what i say.
i don't care to waste my time on what's never offered. i don't care to waste my time on what's not there.
slowly, i erase the ink that's left over from my fever. slowly, i walk away from what has no guarantee.
just when you think your tank is full, it starts leaking.
just when you're about jump, the water recedes.

all i can do is wait around for nothing to happen. all i can do is praise a beautiful, dying sun.
when i look around, i'd like to find every secret. when i look around, i want to see what's not visible.
don't know what i saw in that other excuse of a picture. don't know why i took so long to push it away.
trying to change my view and the lens that i see through..
trying to avoid the traps that come out when i assume i know where i'm at.

i wanna break away. i wanna leave it all behind.

(0330) out of sight

2011-02-24T01:21:00.003-06:00

faded canvas comes to life. the secret told in the silence of night.

the dated, dusty roads are all that still remain. please let me know if i'm going to need a coat.

a disappearing writer whose words won't get him far because he's always been too busy talking to the stars.

the atrophy is speeding up. your magnetic soul consists of everything i'm not.

stuck in the air and going down, but i don't really care.

is this really what it is, or am i lost inside another dream?

persist with what you wish. the desert's in your eyes, and i need something stable to keep me alive.

i was a prisoner of war. i was bloodied and bruised. i made it out with broken arms, but now everything feels new.

(0329) come true or disappear

2011-02-20T05:30:00.003-06:00

dissolve in a digitally-altered wasteland, and i knew this would eventually happen. could only speak when the alarm bells went off. i was washed up on the shore with no memory, and it's with no memory that i'll be cast back out.

better luck in the next life. were we just dreaming? i think i probably was.

stomach churns, and i swallow down the last drops to reassure and remind myself.

(0328) numbered in fingerprints

2011-02-20T01:16:00.005-06:00

the information flows. the oxygen controls all the living parts of this - imagined or real. a breath of vacant air could leave me outside the atmosphere, and all this talk could be empty thought that i can't analyze. predictions lead to a waste of time as i think about all the lies that circle around my head at night, but i still feel like an animal that's ready to run off at anytime.

we're lucky to ignore the writing on the wall. the fix is in, and the days are numbered in fingerprints. shut down the roads to truth. they shut down everything i need, and i can't tell if i'm here or there. do i bleed the same? i'm freezing when the water's fine, but i guess my death would be an irony.. no surprise. we drove it 'til the morning light, and i might as well be a fool.

you'll just have to walk away from everything anyway.
you'll act like you want to stay, then leave when it's getting gray.

there's too many things to know, and i have nothing solid to grip or hold.

(0327) the invisible and obvious

2011-02-19T02:40:00.004-06:00

the incidental wasn't justified so you took helm of the plane and made your own disaster in the sand. a picture in the wind that was torn apart by empty hearts and a useless question no one seems to understand. his face of doubt was reflected by an image meant to impress all those people who never cared to know him either way. the invisible was obvious, but lazy minds were oblivious to all that could happen in a single day.

distance was a reason, but it's no longer legal to induce the direction of all these paper planes. they make no stops with constant turbulence, but their course is predictable almost to the point that nothing else other than a memory remains.

she saw the end and waited in the parking lot. she knew that something had to give if she was going to give an inch. there's gotta be a parasite crawling through my dreams at night because when i wake up, i'm still feeling half asleep; the thought of what i've wasted makes me want to cringe. i'll play along until i'm playing by myself in disregard of my intentions to be more sociable and socially aware. the indecision was brought on by not having 20/20 perfect vision, but someone had to strip this flooring bare.

(0326) silent pop song no. 2

2011-02-14T04:04:00.003-06:00

wearing thin and breaking the codes of innocence.
lost in her gaze, lost in her maze and being confused again.

watch the time go down the drain as i ignore the rising flames
that engulf the house where we await our fate.

processing the mail; i don't understand when i'm about to fail.
the cost is getting higher than the wage, and the paychecks seem fake.

i don't want to see all the blood that might be wasted on me.
transfer your calls. this is writing in the context of being half asleep.

if the fortune was true, then you'd know right now.
but i'm not asking for more if you don't know how.

i'm slipping on every crack in sight. the sun won't stay where i want it to.
i'm disappearing in the darkness of night. that way i won't have to think it through.

(0325) silent pop song

2011-02-13T02:19:00.002-06:00

confined to our little space,
my brain's in a thick foggy haze
because all these words are probably a waste.
i survive the only way i know how.
the only paranoid one in the crowd,
and i keep all these thoughts to myself.
feel the future come to life in a dusty apartment when everyone is asleep.
i'm a few steps away from losing my sanity.. just trying to conduct some of your heat.

just in time for the water to leak,
i don't feel the ground under my feet
because i'm living my life through a daydream.
the effects of a bad mood and no patience
are not going to help me gain any new friends,
and the dizziness doesn't help me make much sense.
i get trapped in between the mirrors i keep staring at, and they won't disappear.
this feeling that i'm getting is starting to bother me, but i'm ignoring the fears.

to stay... or leave... and slowly decay...
with her, every day feels like the first day.

(0324) a guessing game

2011-02-06T23:37:00.004-06:00

in another life, i was mystified by the meanings of what i saw outside. some kind of daydream that stayed in my head - it never left me since then, and it will never leave until i'm finally dead. when the sun cuts out; when i fade to black, i'll just laugh it off. i'll laugh it off while trying my best not to cough, but as the ink dries up, i'll be drinking from your empty cup because i can't get enough. i'll never get enough. lately, i've been separating the thoughts that keep me from concentrating.

according to socrates, we no longer see. we're stripped of love and empathy. on tightened wires, they hold tight our words. they're delivered in the blink of an eye, but the voices are never heard. i'm working on a problem that's gonna conquer us all. i'm no stranger to happiness, and sometimes i don't believe in right or wrong. i thought i saw you in movies. you always played the sun that lit up the sky. a victim of much-needed change, but that's what happens when you lose your sight. i'm just a moth lost in the light.

it's a guessing game. no one knows for sure. we have maps and charts, but giving up is the only cure. the fear is overwhelming in these new open-ended books. bacteria thrives in all the places you never look. out of breath whenever i come falling from the highest of unmeasurable heights. trying to break the spell i've been put under. it's a little-known weakness of mine, but i don't care because it makes me think i'm alive.

(0323) measuring the distance pt. 5

2011-02-05T23:59:00.000-06:00

surrendered to the vaccuum of dissolving space and time the feelings of resentment that compliment her pride. her center of expanding gravity is pulling her inside. the axis of the seasons feels like it's starting to sway, and i've seen the beauty of the night swallow the ugliness of the day. motion is a phantom that makes you think there's overwhelming change, but i can't feel my blood as fast as it's moving through my veins. i settled down for rest only to end up tired, and if you light a match near gasoline when you're filling up with fuel, you just might end up with fire. hiding in your words won't ever get you far, and you'll be floating downstream because you got distracted looking at the stars. a sentimental memory.. that's all that is to me. i'm never going back to look at what i never could see.

there was another constellation, and i couldn't look away without reminding myself of all the times i've gotten stuck on those deadly interstates. you're allergic to the side effects, but it's your own damn fault. there's too much paint that's covering up these fragile walls. she had one too many, and i didn't have enough. all last-minute concerns were poured into glasses and quickly got mixed up. the insoluble remainders were left to wash away as i skipped around inside my head and let my senses fade. i was warm inside, and in that moment, i escaped from everything that bothered me as if i was hidden in that shade. i fell asleep just to realize i was still awake. right then, i was almost certain that this glass was about to break. false alarm was overstated, but that's why it worked. they say that god is on our side, but of that, i'm not so sure. everyone's too far away. that's what i hate the most, but these songs will never have to end if we're going to travel down this road.

(0322) measuring the distance pt. 4

2011-02-04T23:00:00.000-06:00

adjunct copies were made in my brain, and i shrugged off the near minimum wage. this connection doesn't even exist in the same way. false light, it was destined to shine on the distant souls at the back of the line so i'm waiting; just biding my precious "time". algorithm got lost in my memory, and now it's not coming back. this fraction is cleared in one swift melody, but my broken face is somehow still intact. pixelated obsession. just frail with no confessions. the beauty was going to turn to dust at some point.

press play when you're ready to listen. decide on the indecisions and write it down as a small piece of autobiographical fiction. it can't be a fact if it never happened. just pretend that it never happened. everything was a passing distraction. we revive what's been dead for seven centuries, and then we're bound to go astray. make time if you want to. i hope you want to because my face is starting to look the same. dressed up like a paper tiger and fading away in the future like a splintering fire. the past was going to catch up with you at some point.

so walk the other way in silence and don't forget to pay off your debts. walk the other way in silence and don't remember where we've been. i always pass out towards the end.

(0321) measuring the distance pt. 3

2011-01-31T22:21:00.005-06:00

my anxiety holds the pen in place, and the words replace a shattered, neon face. saving up for the one true taste of a love that always fell through my hands. in the news today, there's nothing to chase. nothing real that will destroy our fate. our fate is too beautiful to escape. our fate is only another glance away from the dying art that conceived this plot to the memories that we wish to stop; from the television screen to a dead-end road, it's obvious we will never know the reasons that we're floating alone. i was so carefree in my younger days, but i'm even more so now that i've got absolutely nothing to say. everyone just stands in a line and waits for a number that sometimes never even comes.

tried to walk up all these steps, but it's another endless escalator going the opposite way. tried to go hunting down the truth, but it's just a phantom in the midnight sky. tried to salvage the past for what you could, but nothing was worth your efforts. tried to save what was useless, and now you've gotta look away.

there's a surface stain on the silverware. better clean it off before you go anywhere. you better look around before you disappear as if that would even matter in the end. snakes are all around with their open mouths so you better be careful. you better just watch out. the makeup's not going to help you now. fairy tales are all you have. this was never planned because i thought that i was dead. i thought i was going to live alone in my little head. i never dreamt until i was woken up by someone with a different disease. if the rhythm makes up the melody, why does dissonance eat into the frequency? can someone explain? i need someone to teach me another way to hear these sounds.

i wanna hold this pen myself. there's a million ways, but i didn't get here just to walk away. this is life.

(0320) measuring the distance pt. 2

2011-01-30T23:52:00.005-06:00

we learn the lessons. we circle the sun, but our imagination keeps us from having too much fun. we take all these pictures. we archive them by date. the further that we go, the more we hate to wait. understand the bottom is equal to the top so it never really matters what's in between or not. stuck in the mud but still making progress, and i waste all my time on forgetting how to rest. these ideas are worthless. they're all based on a fictional, romantic youth. look at me through open eyes. your eyes show an unknown truth. highs balance out the lows to clear up all the static. thought i knew the ending, and i thought it would be tragic. can't quench the thirst. it's impossible to defeat. send me a ticket just to watch the last one standing silently retreat.

i solved thirty-six equations, and i still could not deny that the disappearance of a face leads to an unfortunate goodbye. in the past, i was a vagrant floating in and out of time. connective tissue is the force that holds us all together when we die.

(0319) measuring the distance pt. 1

2011-01-29T23:39:00.003-06:00

striking a new deal to work for the rich. they have all the money so i act like their bitch. cunning and vicious, it's all hands on deck. say hi to the strangers. what do i care about theft? my lips are swollen, and my eyes don't work. i unpacked a suitcase and unfolded my shirts. i looked in a mirror in the most unusual way and walked up to god; said i had no way to pay. right then, the world cut in, and the lights started to dim. breathing out lies and inhaling the truth, the gypsy psychic comes to show us her booth. the last one to know and the last one exposed, you were the first one to sink in this beautiful snow. i don't know what she sees. i'm crumpled up like dead leaves. picking up the pace, but i know i'll never go home. measuring the distance because there's nothing i own. there's nothing i own. it's all been written in code.

come stand in the river of what you see. nothing moves if you're standing next to me. a virgin to thoughts that had never crossed my mind, but i feared the innocence was fading and i was running out of time. predated back to the sixteenth century when love was a weapon, but you held it gently. and in the dark, i etched my name upon the scattered thoughts in your brain. i wanted to erase my face, but i couldn't see that it was already too late.

as soon as i departed, i played that song. i couldn't help but think that i did something wrong. i had a second heartbeat, and in those minutes, i wanted to remain. and as the glass broke, it sliced into my veins.. something soft and strange.

go ahead and sleep in the moment of what you never said, but you'll never wake up if you stay in your bed.

(0318) unknown callers

2011-01-25T18:22:00.003-06:00

nursery rhymes are sucking the life out of me.
going back and forth; repeating endlessly.
do the math to find out two plus two is five.
hooray for poisoning the air whenever i have to drive.

jaded by the mystery of broken art.
i read between the lines and try to play my part.
focusing on all the misplaced stars at night..
then realizing it was just my faulty sight.

$19.95 plus tax, shipping and handling.
if only someone picked up a phone to answer me.
unknown caller speaking in an unknown language,
and she drowned in the water that accumulated under that bridge.

i have so much left to say. i'm somewhere in between excuse and reason.
i let it float for days and days. i never make sense when i'm having trouble breathing.

i break my legs when i'm trying to escape..
i'll make mistakes when things are going great..
but i can't fake the way i'm feeling now.

no, this ain't something i know how to fake.

(0317) another face in the crowd

2011-01-24T20:20:00.004-06:00

we crash into each other's silence. i choose to remain
the way i am; the way i've always been - chasing the thoughts in my brain.

ingredients get mixed together, and then they're thrown in the oven.
four weeks later, it tastes perfect. i think i'm sliding on ice again.

she's stuck in neutral with her eyes shut. the meaning is hard to see.
learning how to hold her breath and swim, she's starting to feel free.

it's just instinct, but i can go for hours without any movement. i'm just another face in the crowd.
i have every right to make this move faster, but i'd rather keep my feet on the ground.

draw it out as much as possible because this is the best part.
never wanna go back now. no one wants an empty shopping cart.

we play dumb until the sun comes up, and then i'm on my way.
keep coming back to the same page just to stare at the blank, white space.

drinking water's probably poison. i'm trying to run some tests.
experimenting with the variables.. i'm gonna need lots of rest.

in the morning, i'll have to remember what i don't want to. i'll have to remember the truth.
and i'll just act like none of this had ever happened. i'll just act like there was no proof.

(0316) moving downward quickly

2011-01-20T00:55:00.002-06:00

protection - a shadow moving with.

a distraction that fills these holes back up with blood.
my heart is always trying to be on the run.

but the same frame i'm always stuck inside
is the same one in which i can hardly hide.

i'm just a crack in your reflection of light.
i'm the dust that you can't see at night.
i disappear in the coldness of rain.
you're like lightning going through my veins. so bright.

we're sedated from the passing time.
it's no surprise i'm getting lost in the rhyme.
connect the dots to find what you thought was not there.
zoom in to see every single strand of hair. only a small crime.

moving downward quickly in a world that never seems to die.

(0315) invalid forms of thought

2011-01-14T03:42:00.004-06:00

emblematic of the cameras that haunt us, you peel your face off in the nick of time.
this drug is cheap, but it's the one i need. a safe place where i can live inside.

indifferent only to the point of extinction, ideas are wasted on invalid forms of thought.
they fill this room with their vacant air and have nothing to say when they choose to talk.

we tried to speak, and we kept trying to write. we tried for hours to turn on a light.

debased with cruelty in a waiting room, but their devices are never even put to use.
a short length across the street, a man sinking in sand claimed he once knew the truth.

the walls are closing in. we can't remember why. my clock is ticking fast. i wonder how long left until this starts to die.

beyond this protective skin, you'll find the arteries that keep me warm and help me breathe.
i guess i too have become the modern man - using binary code to document a memory.

(0314) radiation

2011-01-12T04:14:00.003-06:00

heart is starving for disintegration, but the answers won't get you all the most reliable information.
mathematical sunset is just one step away, but the rest of the world could disappear if you remained.
emerging language is tearing down walls, but i still feel flawed.
repeating the same thoughts in my mind on a dime.. through cold air, i fall.

clouds barely matter now because i know what's behind them, but this feeling here - no, this is something that i can't send.
a stranded visitor just looking for some kind of directions, and all i know how to do is keep asking questions.
this time clock is driving me out of my head, and i'm leaving a trail of bread.
sat in silence just staring at a screen.. if one of us is alive, then one of us must be dead.

my condition is fixed to your limbs so i hope they don't break because they're fragile and thin.
electromagnetic radiation is doing me in so i guess either you sink or you swim.

(0313) unlearn the future

2011-01-10T10:31:00.001-06:00

traveling backwards. coming up short. wasteland of blood. graveyard of youth.
time escapes. no words to express. a lovely and deteriorating face. this unbridled, beautiful mess.
hydration for a dehydrated slob. rain on the way, canceling out my gaze. off the charts. into a maze.
climbing to heaven. falling to death. original scars and the taste of a breath.

positive energy. sleeping alone. desperate emotion. save some for me.
mistaken beliefs. pulled from the wreckage. standing in silence. words no one reads.
losing the point. losing my brain. lobotomy fucked up, and a cold heart remains.
saving up excuses until the sunrise. cash the checks and breathe out what's been deprived.
paint what you feel. you only get the rest of your life.

this one is different. this one is a shot in the dark, and the pain lingers on even when the moon is awake.
i think if i died, i'd probably die because of this earthquake.

(0312) dynamic pitch and standard notation

2011-01-09T07:26:00.005-06:00

senses dulled and out of touch. don't even wake up in time for lunch.
all i ever had was what didn't matter.
cracked open like the other eggs and guilty with no omissions made.
i wonder if we can get any fucking sadder.

i understand that void in you, but we can't change the tunnels we've been through.
life remains in pieces so you salvage what you can.
i've walked beside myself for years. these experiences filtered from my eyes as tears,
but i still believe instinct will lead to the promised land.

now, i've figured out so many things... so many songs that i've learned to sing.
but, this one, i don't think i'll ever catch on to how it's supposed to go.
i try to recite it line by line, but i get tripped up every time.
carefully make my way through the fragile ice and thick layers of snow.

fluorescent lights and a waste of time. then, later, a phone call from an old friend of mine,
and i guess we're still trying to put this jigsaw puzzle back together.
still trapped under the dirt that's accumulated over the years. we numb ourselves to ignore our fears,
and i keep wasting ink on writing all these pointless letters.

we're forgetting what it feels like to be passionate about the things we like.
spring is trying to talk to me, but i'm quite busy.
on roads that probably lead nowhere, but that's okay because we never cared.
i guess i can only hope that certain people will come along with me.

you'll have broken glass if you want what was enclosed. those answers - no one ever knows.
i don't know what day it is because keeping track of time is barely ever on my mind.
right now, you think your future's gone, but when tomorrow comes, it'll prove you wrong.
i'm going outside to face the wind and cold, but i'm wondering what i'll find.

(0311) hope matters

2011-01-07T06:14:00.009-06:00

hope matters, but it didn't matter for her until it was convenient so who's stuck in neutral now? i've thought of her face many times since then, but i've realized i have better things to think about. better faces and better places. moving into the wall of sound that she couldn't hear if she tried... and i'm so happy i said goodbye.

i colored outside the lines for myself, and she'll never comprehend that.

drained all the water out of that plastic bottle and just bought another.

unknown. a fake establishment built on a house of cards. never again. i close the door and rub my eyes. can't give up because of an overarching, undying sky. wasted a few minutes staring into a broken telescope and came out on the other side of life. i contemplated the silence of the world in that peaceful, flowing stream with dead fish caught up in the wires. signs that led to a realization of where i was.

some weeks later, a soul interlinked with ours vanished in a flicker of light. i hesitated a few times from day to day, ignoring it as if it never happened. just a figment of my imagination, i'd say. the truth, however, was far more cruel. the fact remains that what we witnessed and what we were a part of happened.. and was beautiful.. and that can't be taken away.

time is only split up in fragments so it's impossible to dream continuously. we miss what we've only grasped at. our thoughts now going through the air at the speed of light - but someday, we won't need that technology to cross vast distances. i'll wait for it with the passion of my entire existence, and i won't grow impatient because i know it's only building up the fire so, for when that times comes, it'll have all the space in the world to breathe and burn slow.

(0310) erasing your face

2011-01-06T05:55:00.007-06:00

i'm coming up in smoke rings. i can't control things so i'm detaching your beautiful wings. i'm writing. i'm barely eating. i'm just arriving, and i'm not leaving. i'm falling. i'm calling your name out. there's no doubt.
there's no doubt.

i'm erasing your face from this building. i'm so uptight, and now i'm just anticipating it.
you disappear. i see death. i see darkness. i see nothing holding me together.
this weather isn't getting better. i'm not sending letters.
i fucked up.
you fucked up.
i laugh out loud and ignore the crowd.

i'm surfacing and floating away.
i wish you would stay, but i don't think it'll happen.
it never works out this way.

i'm long gone. i'm reading all i can, but the reasons are fleeting.
nothing makes sense except for this. does this even exist? i doubt it.
i doubt it.

(0309) digital resolution

2011-01-05T03:59:00.002-06:00

vacant release. i'm not making sense.
there are toxic fumes pouring in through the vents.
just let me choke and pass out here.

cold shower again as i try to look ahead.
voices from another room make me feel blessed.
i'm dying slowly like the rest of them.

don't forget to breathe.
don't forget to breathe and scratch at the fleas.

they could care less, but that's okay.
they're feeding off all the mistakes they've made.
soon, karma will catch up before too long.

don't forget to sing.
don't forget to sing and fall asleep to dream of nothing.

they'll be wondering where they went wrong.

(0308) torn in both directions

2011-01-05T03:59:00.001-06:00

every day, the air feels the same. if you don't know how, don't look at me now.
everything's gonna bring me down. i can already see the blood coming out.
someone else will take my place. a better looking face with a different name.
i want a piece in the back of my mind, but there's nothing, nothing, nothing to find.
i can't survive this mess if i tried. i wish i could leave and say goodbye.

teeth go numb, and i look at the light.. and every time i look, it's blinding my eyes.

i talk in code, and the customers know they'll get what they need if they ignore what they see.
again, i wish this would end.
dear god, could you make it happen?

i try to get up and move around, but my friends don't even hear the sound.
a million people screaming - all in my dreams. i wake up, but they're haunting me.
we're basically animals that have learned to cry. get a new idea when the old one dies.
the early ones will get there late as the slowest ones will get there on time, but it's all the same.

can you wait here?
i'm still alive, but i'm getting scared.

(0307) lost and found pt. 3

2011-01-04T06:17:00.004-06:00

watching you in reverse just makes me feel worse, and the words i write get lost in the night.
my silence has fucked up all the things that i've loved, but this time, i wouldn't care if someone stopped to stare.
are we folding our clothes? at this point, there's still nothing i know. talking to myself while the ice starts to melt.
we're walking alone. the distance is lodged inside of our bones. the receipt says to come again, but all i think of is when.

the cost is of no concern. watch the earth as it turns, and if it keeps up with the sun, i think i'd steal the air from those lungs.
maybe the invisible war between darkness and day can give birth to something new if we can meet somewhere halfway.
all that i need are a few tiny seeds and soil to hold the roots inside these discarded notes.

i come apart. i drive in circles. a stranger's heart is cold and happy, but someone else's is warm and sad.
wait for good news and watch it never come. taste the moment and savor it until it's gone.
i always listen to songs until they're done.

(0306) lost and found pt. 2

2011-01-02T23:17:00.000-06:00

colors blend to a new distraction. a cigarette in the echo of time, we were like kids.
neon smoke and a lazy sunday. you see your reflection in the mirror of where you've been.
blurry photographs show the details. the best lies are always caught inside of the lens,
and pulling random words into a sentence was always the easiest way that i could live.

dictation writes out a different story - the ending of which we can never see.
now paranoia tends to run in the family, and it's come naturally ever since i learned how to bleed.
the future's written on a rotting sidewalk, and our memories are left fading in between the cracks.
i thought i saw you once in a movie, but then i realized i was living in the past.

music becomes a third person perspective in which the feelings mimic my own.
pretty melodies in lyrical daydreams - we get sucked into the air as we're headed home.
water filter needs to be changed soon, and this printer seems to be running out of ink.
there were times i couldn't swim any further and had to let go of the past when it needed to sink.

faster and slower than i've ever been moving, but it's best to pretend that there's nothing there.
water dripping from a leaky faucet is never the water that you want to use if you care.
collapsing walls are falling all around us... memory erased by a beautiful disease.
i found a page from a different notebook, and it seems like something good to read.

the only way out alive is by stealing what was rightfully mine to begin with.
another fire will die. connecting dots until the truth comes out with a purpose.
the only way out alive is to convince myself to move instead of being lifeless.

(0305) lost and found pt. 1

2010-12-30T03:26:00.002-06:00

this dream is a blanket. it covers the parts that have gotten cold.
these flowers are useless, but they still haven't died, and the sky refuses to fold.
this is not a reaction, nor is this a distraction to keep me awake.
my fictional problem seems to have resolved itself just before i drowned in the nearby lake.

missing heartbeat made me feel like i was at the very end.
missing heartbeat filled back up with the ink from this pen.

that picture's deceiving. it makes me feel like i'm bleeding safe and sound.
summer's waiting without me, and i'm waiting somewhere in the lost and found.
not sure if it's coming or going, but there's a part of me that doesn't really care to know.
someone's chasing my shadow, and i'm chasing the reasons until the end of the snow.

missing heartbeat trapped under all the dirt from the last disaster.
missing heartbeat that's never missing by the time you get to the end of the chapter.

this dream is a pillow. it comforts my mind when i'm lost in time.
this dream is a sign that's pointing towards something i can't quite rhyme.

(0304) behind the picture

2010-12-28T04:08:00.006-06:00

behind the picture lies a broken face, straightened hair, and a made-up name.
late to work and stuck in traffic. i watched your eyes as they worked magic, and mine went astray.
stolen thoughts from a homeless guy who just walked around until he died without ever wearing shoes.
i drove until daylight came. the darkness had swallowed all your rage while you managed to just exist.

the ventilator that kept you breathing wasn't there when they were reading their bibles that day.
scan the barcode and watch the price inflate. nobody notices so they keep it raised as you're looking at the time.
stand in line for eternity. the sign ahead says you can pay for free.. whatever that means.
free to choose and pay to lose.. upside-down with a noose that never seems to loosen its grip.

bored as hell and chasing my tail.. i never received your secondary mail until i came back to life again.
take a number and walk on by. meet you there in the frozen air as i ask myself exactly why i'm here.
written off like summer days, you imagine a ghost inside this place and ignore everything you've become.
we shed our skin and pick up the slack.. take this memory and give it back to whom it belonged to before.

i'm different in the static, but there's still room for it to grow under a sky of what's yet to be written.
it's something that you still can't see nor read.

(0303) jamming frequencies

2010-12-27T03:53:00.004-06:00

in breath escaped, i'm looking out a window. a distant refusal lapsed through time and space.
drink fast the past and throw it up in the morning. forget all your feelings and chalk it up to some regret.
electrical death - crossed the wires until they faultered. jamming up the frequencies for a million reasons.
stay away from these heights. there's no one to scrape the pavement. frozen dinner left for consumption.
baby's eyes never opened far enough to see the truth. only blood to waste away. disappointing numbness.
fragile skin and a slit under the chin led me to a stranger's doorstep. caught the virus, and now it's picture-perfect silence.
false alarm. false deposit. walking all alone. disappearing and reappearing.. this only happens in my dreams.

the ocean skyline that's never coming into view.. i should've heard the sirens.
a disguise everyone sees through, and it's getting old.
ashes rising from a nonexistent fire that went out of control, damaging almost everything.
we taste the omission and pass by in cars that drive themselves. we wake up with no memory.
symptoms of a more complex problem where medicine has only little benefit.
politicians playing politics, and fear renders you all obsolete.
this isn't for sale. onlookers need not apply. your ambition isn't wanted nor necessary.

processed food for thought leads to momentary convulsions of what can't be understood.
we left the leftovers inside the plastic bags that you used to use for an attempted suffocation.
there's always something that you can't ignore unless you're hungry for denial.

why be offended? i wonder if it made her think.

connected between glances and looking at the future, i fall down the stairs and into a haze.

(0302) my last letter

2010-12-23T01:51:00.002-06:00

something became frozen from within, and it consumed you.
a dam remains ahead, and it won't let you through.
i'll try picking it apart, but i have only two hands.
i will need some time to snap myself out of this unexplainable trance.

snow fills up the chambers of my heart so it's slow to direct the flow of blood,
but soon it might slowly start to thaw to let me fix the dam to avoid a neverending flood.

alternating black and white.

the stomach drops as i'm pushed up by a breathless, faint inertia that's not concerned with gravity.
i stumble through the open doors and follow whatever it is that keeps me moving away from insanity.

feelings are so complex, and they don't break down to simple molecules.
i don't know which page is coming next so i make a story out of all the particles.

distant galaxies are seen quite clear when you're looking through a telescope,
but i wonder if i'm fading away under the delusion of some kind of hope.

alternating black and white.

cigarettes are known to kill, but there's nothing that would feel better.
headlights light the darkness of the night so consider this my last letter.

(0301) avoid the light

2010-12-21T23:30:00.003-06:00

all the fish in the sea are swimming around with no end in sight.
love is just a disease. place the bait, and they're waiting their turn to bite.
now that i've been disconnected from the grid, i avoid all the light, and i'll assume i'm right.

crack the egg with no yolk. i'm starting to understand what he meant by that.
"this is not the time to joke," she said as she watched every single tire on her car go flat.
why get all worked up to be let down? we will mute this sound. i will mute this sound.

is the dust getting lost under your pillow? is the dust getting lost under my coat?
we crop the focal point from the picture and go to bed.
without a possible distraction for a different reaction, i'm taking out all my cash...
and i don't know when the money flow will slow to zero, but now that i've made my deposits and set up an offshore bank account, the dust will keep me alive until i've arrived in an envelope.

the vacant, empty stare of what's to come, and it makes me feel dumb, sort of like chewing gum.

(0300) cold weather blues

2010-12-21T03:45:00.003-06:00

destiny pulls my soul back to the shore, and the sunrise is over the bend.
the patterns of time that erase all these rhymes are getting too complex to make sense.
the cold weather tastes of a distant place. i found a face that's too bright to not look away.
the faster we move, the faster we lose breath, and the cement has already dried. you can't help but wonder why.

we listened for a sound from under the ground, but no one had anything to say.
waiting for the truth to soak into the roots of a tree that's been dead since the dawn of time.
sedated and raped of your apathetic and unassuming state. i've watched this happen again and again.
all the pieces were picked so they would never fit. it's too late. it's a phone that doesn't ring, and we walk away.

i'm passed out in the daylight. my lights are off, the curtain's pulled, and i don't know where i'm headed.
i'm catching up on the sunday dream of hopelessness and insecurity
so give these thoughts back to the sky.

connection dies. it's no surprise. there's a war outside and millions of babies crying.
save us from these elevators because we can't seem to escape.
i've already floated through your confusion...
and i came out with open eyes.

are you fading?
are you staying?
are you still alive?

(0299) an impossible distance

2010-12-19T02:39:00.003-06:00

strawberry finance up and away... missing the mark of a minimum living wage.
desolate staircase, where have you gone? under the floors where the silence drags on.
cashier of debts looking over my shoulder... industry slut and we were both bending over.
trending corruption, venture capitalist... slicing throats and making long shopping lists.

searching for fuel for your private jet... three times a week, and you're just getting your feet wet.
rapid descent; we were approaching the ground. we crashed and burned, and we were never found.
with their nose in the air, they will sniff you out. they'll claim your confidence was mistaken for doubt.
this never happened. we were all in the same spot. we saw the streaks of light and then conveniently forgot.

reactional daydream disappearing in smoke... tracing out the words that you still never wrote.
fiction accounts for maybe ninety percent, and the rest of the truth was paid in full with the rent.
i walked outside and never noticed the cold. i thought i took a million wrong turns, but i made it safely home.
newspaper in my mailbox ended up in the trash. i turned around to see the whole universe expand and contract.

and then in an instant, all we saw was a flash.

new blood rising up to the eyelids, quickening heartbeat, and an impossible distance.
we could've gathered like moths around the light at a mall. we could've joined the suburban sprawl.
dressed to kill with a few credit cards and painting portraits of your poor broken heart.
cascading melody is the hardest to achieve.
the best option is to bury yourself under a wall of sound and drown in the sea.

fuckin around with the backwards sound, i sighed a sigh of relief, and i showed my receipt.
it's gonna be a long ride so i'll close my eyes and let my body keep time.

kiss off your problems and follow me down over to the world's demise.
they disconnected the phone lines so we'll have to use our eyes.

(0298) crushed under an empty car

2010-12-16T03:30:00.002-06:00

standing under water, plans are somewhat hard to see.
we stumble in the dark of night through the only branches that have fallen from this tree.
can't understand why the pawns are placed where they're placed.
no one is waiting for anything anymore because we've waited long enough.
the past swirls around through our heads like an eternal reminder of what we've done
while the distance cuts between us like playing cards. are you on the run?

prescription pills for happiness and music for the soul..
crushed under an empty car that seemed like it was going nowhere.
have things now changed? have they morphed into mystery?
were your thoughts corrupted in silence? have you liked what you've seen?
is it disease or destination that makes you feel afraid to speak?
i lay in bed and think of nothing while the world turns without being told,
but the oscillations just cause the temperature to rise, and it fucks me up. it wakes me up.

soon, it starts to rain, and ice freezes everything.
i get in the car. i drive until i feel alive. i turn on the radio to sing.

and just right then, the dream has escaped my brain.
it's gone a hundred miles per hour through the windshield glass.

so fold up what is left and make room for room to grow.
it's getting really cold in your heart, and it's hard to walk through all the snow.

i'll finish writing this strange story in another time and space..
but for now, the day is over, and it fades away like painted stars..
a waste of unused paint.

(0297) static electricity and a dying light

2010-12-15T03:57:00.000-06:00

your heart broke into pieces the only way it could.
echoes of frustration from sounds that no one understood.
a vaccuum of plans now closed off to make room for an undiscovered fate.
faulty plans dashed in the realization that you can't ignore what has now changed.
another day of empty; another reflection of what never came to be.
but the only thing that matters is if you can honestly say you feel free.
crossed off things without purpose because it has to be the only way to live.
purpose is a faceless result of all the drugs we never did.
a lifetime lapsed of comedy and pretentious melodies,
surrounded by culture devoid of decent personalities.

the television is broadcasting mindlessness.
you can't hear the truth because it doesn't exist.
we don't know where comfort lies.. in between the exit signs that make you dream.
flickering in the shadow of futility.
do you risk losing your mind or your dignity?
i'm walking around again; aimless as i pretend i'm what i'm not.

don't expect nothing for cheap. this is not the way it was going to be.
the pieces aren't aligned, and they make me feel unclean.

first encounters have no bearings on what reality has distracted from, but bits and fragments are all we hope to have.

pause for pictures and slice a vein.

open up the fridge for evidence, but all that dust is clogging up the vents.

static electricity and a dying light.

(0296) lovers are strangers

2010-12-12T22:57:00.002-06:00

magnetic face, i don't want to see you.
i'll walk it off like i usually have to.
i want to see the sky, but it's blocked from my view.
the air's feeling dry, and i'm not willing to be used.

this is not..
this is not a recall.. but you don't seem to be breathing in at all.
is this a lie to make yourself feel good, or is the truth, unfiltered and bled-through?
we won't taste the bitter remainders until our bodies get sealed in containers.
now the freeze frame is stuck inside my mind.
i don't want to sleep if i'm just going to waste time.

fate was held captive by irrational thinking.
is that the reason that we're not blinking?
"lovers are strangers. there's nothing to discuss."
i agree fully, but coincidence, i can't trust.

irony's laughing. it always laughs at me.
this would be different if it was funny.

(0295) disparity of truth

2010-12-11T01:42:00.001-06:00

disparity of truth was wasting away our wasted youth.
lost in the spokes and examining thickness of rope, but now it's too late to know.

memory recreates your disease. caught in the silence of what you couldn't see.
we overthink until all reason has numbed our minds. just give your thoughts over to what you think is inside.

your time is up now so give them your money. you were laughing because it wasn't funny.
you know the science, but we're too far behind. i will see you sometime in my next life.

this blade is cutting too deep.. like pain and pleasure wrapped up in mystery..
the second day was a false sense of security.. the only reason i felt so free..

i write a story, and you deny it. we correct everything that we are writing.
the song is simple but moving slowly. we remain alone without somehow feeling lonely.

car crashes into the tree and leaves you hanging without him, but the rest of us are moving in a new direction.
you can't decide who you want to be so make sure that you're alive in the next life.

(0294) living through wires

2010-12-06T00:54:00.001-06:00

waking up the feeling lost in your brain. deciphered meanings don't feel the same. don't look past the rain. don't tell me your name. don't mix up the paint.

desolate and warm, breathing for truth connected in time, living through wires, void of desire, and watching the end of the world unfold in front of my eyes.

the lack of sound makes for something beautiful to see, but i'll never understand why you wasted away.
the signal comes and goes like dust on television screens as we dissolve into the future on a cloudy day.

preface that book with a warning, but i'd still like to see what it says inside the spine.
wreckless intent with a contextual diagram attached to the bones.
cut out the lights when the electric bill is getting hard to pay.

and i'm still learning to walk. i fell down when i heard you talk. yes, i did.
i stood back up to hunt down the things i needed to find, but i can't remember the way back in my mind.

scrambled eggs and a slice of toast. the lucky boy is the one who loves you the most.
snap the picture and let me step outside of the frame. it's no one's fault, but i'll be here to take the blame.

(0293) broken arms

2010-11-30T02:54:00.002-06:00

i crawled out of a dream and into broken arms. the violinist almost made me lose my voice.
i unstrapped the seatbelt but never died. i looked into her digital eyes.
i asked myself if there was something i was still forgetting inside.

with a pen in your hand, there's no excuse. the insatiable could never be fed.
connect the dots to find your soulmate. play the crossword puzzle and count to eight.
wait for something in the water to get interested and take the bait.

...

the presumption wasn't what i thought at first. it seemed to start out great, but it just got worse.
the magnifying glass was dirtied up, but you spilled your coffee right in my cup.
i looked around for hours until i realized there was nothing missing there at all.

... ...

(0292) dead romance

2010-11-17T04:55:00.004-06:00

if you look around your environment, you will find all the proof you need. your image has become so depended upon, it's distorted your reality. i don't care about your pretty looks. they make you look like everybody else. what you see in the mirror is not what you dream of when you're dreaming all by yourself.

standard operating procedure here was ignored for functionality. a distant stare into the future will not help you find the things you seek. chased down by the evidence, you still beckon to the latest phase. gridlock causes apathetic ignorance so you've gotten used to the shitty taste.

if silence grants you no reply, do you think you would be surpised? if you'd done things any differently, do you think he still would've died? if silence grants you no reply, do you know how the story would end? i'm looking straight into the telescope lens, and i watch the dream as it starts to bend.

brain dead, but i'll take a rain check like it's the newest flavor.

i collapsed in a field under the hazy sun. there was a quiet breeze and butterflies nearby. i placed the bullet inside my head. i pulled the trigger and made my bed. the sky was dressed in its finest clothes.

it wore bright blue with white fluffy clouds. the sun told a joke, and i laughed out loud.

destiny must have led me straight to this.

in the car rides up to chicago, my imagination was made of gold. i slowly woke up from the vividness, and my eyes have never adjusted since. a song that puts me in a trance of impossible and dead romance. close your eyes and wish for better luck.

and don't forget to double tie your shoes.

(0291) a new face

2010-11-14T05:02:00.001-06:00

i watch the minutes turn to hours. all my food has gotten cold. my mind feels like it's started to erode. laughed all the way through town and got sick of your remorse, and i watched your inner ugliness slowly take its course. if it's cheap, it's not expensive. the rain drowns all hidden costs, and it's obvious the sun was told to go fuck off.

she looked amazing, and i felt the air inside my chest escape me when she asked me for my name. i was living off the streets of debt, and i was sure that there was nothing left. she had a lengthy past, but she said she had no regrets. the rest of the day i can't remember, and it got really blurry in december. i couldn't tell the ceiling from the floor. keep going until you see a light, surrender to what it is you find, and hope that it's bright enough to make you blind.

somebody dies in silence every time you take a breath, and there's nothing you can do to slow it down. you can sit around and drink, or you can drive around and think of all those memories you'd like to wish you never had. it's easy to explain when you can blame it on your brain, but the truth was never measured anyway. if you had a second chance, you'd say you'd try to do it different even if the difference didn't guarantee a different fate.

use your mind to get there, and break your legs to stay there. keep a pen inside your head if you want to live there. we were meant to struggle so we all jumped in the puddle, filtered out the impurities, and conquered this feigned disease.

(0290) offramp pt. 3

2010-11-05T00:05:00.001-05:00

tomorrow, i once had a story to tell.

and they said to listen to your heart... i'll listen to whatever sounds more smart.

and tension is what will make all these dirty newspapers sell.

don't panic.

don't panic, and i could barely remember how to move.

television shadow and social reflections on the pavement making all their decisions.

no need for a brain.

i needed to escape from their numbing insanity.

the depressing wave of fear and self-preservation was starting to stick in the air.

if you feel it, does it make it true? either way, what's the use? to help soothe?

sleep without a night light like i was meant to...

you see, real so-called souls don't need your faulty spiritual glue.

hold still in my moment and wait to take the last train home.

(0289) offramp pt. 2

2010-11-01T06:03:00.007-05:00

hypocrite fanatical constructing a playground on a sheet of ice surrounded by sleeping pills and moving into the future. outnumbered by delusions at a frightening ratio, and it's a long way back to the innocent daydream. communication was replaced by something ugly. telepathic imagination. binary codes were integrated into our language, but they were all left behind. you were a digital camera missing a viewfinder. i was a random synapse that somehow got away from where it was supposed to go. my body violently twitches. i get up to walk around, look out the window, lay back down and pass out. you drive the car into the water, and we drown.

"no going back now," she says. the camera snaps a picture, but the moment isn't even captured... not even close. what, are we two years old? do we really think this matters? duh. god tells the greatest jokes. wouldn't you with that much time? remnants of a deteriorating facade. i walk back through the timeline in my mind, but i easily get lost along the way. people jump to their deaths, and all i can do is exist. impulse is misguided.

my love is potential energy that can't be converted, and reason was everyone else's excuse.

the ocean is rapidly vanishing by this point, but i don't care. my soul is more important. without water to be baptized in, we're fucked. hold your breath anyway and wait for a miracle. at this point, even prayer starts to seem rational, but i realize we don't need to be saved. we can't be saved, and did we ever need to be saved to begin with? people should learn to save themselves from their own socially and personally irresponsible gravitational pull. denying this equation time is no longer acceptable. we dream of something bigger than this, but we doubt this matters knowing what we know now. an infinite gap of predestined logic? try pulling the trigger and see what happens.

(0288) the silence of a stare pt. 2

2010-10-30T03:38:00.003-05:00

they know facts and fiction make for good television friction, and they know short-term memory loss is the result of escapism. make that tree start to grow with holy water and watch as it bears the fruit of delusion and patriotism. they give you one choice. it's an easy decision.

i'll cut the throats of their lost intent if and when we need more money to help pay the rent.
they keep going with a bullet already in their head, and their eyes are closed even though they're not dead.
i'm coughing, and i'm cold, but i'll leave you alone.
the dream isn't dead. it's a voice in your head.
the bomb is the size of the sun. let's run to the nearest pretty place and bring a gun.

she peaks out from the ground while reading a book to herself, lost in the middle of a crowd.
he's in the sky, and he's lost in a cloud so he plays his best music, but it makes no sound.

all was innocent for a few seconds, but the wreck didn't leave survivors.

they were just like us. ashes scattered in the wind. dehydrated in a desert of lies.

but that one sunday afternoon was a blur. we drank lemonade and played in sprinklers.

i was in love with life. all i saw were vivid colors, and explanation never mattered.

and now, what's left? beautiful you... unknown.

(0287) offramp

2010-10-29T00:53:00.002-05:00

captive soul in her own world. just her and her cynical remarks. my best friend destroys the reason and then holds the answer hostage. they were beautiful in their time, but now they're pictures that don't make sense.

one drink and say goodbye. she's her own excuse now. not mine.

our words stay true in death and only multiply. face of starvation, and i shake it off. let the reverb find it's way back around and stay here, hovering in obscurity. peel back the layers and clone the genetic code for something better. someone better.

i wait in the adjacent section, and they hide their identity. don't agree? you will. change of plans, and we left the phone off the hook. evolution is devolving into a mess, and they tell us help is on the way.

take their profits and feed them to the hungry. no... make them hungry and let them slowly die. it was their fault. they already did. the world was just laughing. take the offramp and don't forget to recycle.

what's this thing called succeeding? i just call it breathing.

(0286) the fault lines

2010-10-28T01:33:00.002-05:00

wake up. wake up. no one will save us.
breathe in. breathe out. same in. same out.
two colors dreaming just leads to what you're seeing.
we break on the fault lines because seven billion people will get it wrong every single time.

wake up. wake up. these people are attention sluts.
cancel your subscription. don't pay for fucking fiction.
give up. give up. realize there's no such thing as luck.
it's a work-in-progress. there's no need in trying to impress.

wake up. wake up. we can never - we can never have enough.
meet me halfway. i'll see you in the shadows of your day.
jesus loves you, especially when you're deluded too.
cost of living... everyone's gotten tired of giving in.

pencil writes without my hand. this isn't another plot to become the modern man.

somewhere, there's a sea of doubt... and you'll find it in the absence of sound.

based on your frozen face, the density of the pixels are equal to the interest rate.

(0285) my painted rhyme

2010-10-27T04:04:00.002-05:00

the explanation was all you needed. the gun you're holding, you could never shoot. preceded by faith was only a simple premonition. when you admit your guilt is when i'll admit the truth.

now that my memories are dead to me, maybe i should convert my currency.
i try to learn a different song to sing. patience becomes a necessity.
everyone's lost in their fantasies, and i'm dying for eternity.
i've got to show the world that i can breathe. i should never have learned to read.

pretending that i still exist. to understand is not to hug and kiss.

we're waiting on a wasted chance while speaking in an unseen glance.

bending over backwards to feel and finding out it wasn't real.

someone isn't far behind. the future is my painted rhyme.
if only we could travel time without having to use our sight.
when did life become a prize? why has all this water dried?
sending out a random signal through the sky, and i don't know the reason why.

i'm in a circle that i can't escape, but then the morning comes, and i'm awake.

look in the mirror when i fade away. what the fuck was i supposed to say?

(0284) breathing in the gutter

2010-10-25T00:19:00.004-05:00

time is slipping through your fingers, and medicine just makes you more unaware of all the dead-end satisfaction that's permeating your nightmares. concentration takes the outer world and tends to throw it all away, and while working in the corporate factory, your senses stay numb throughout the day. entertainment is of little consolation. it can be endless, there's no doubt. the news is keeping us informed of all the things we should live without, and the best of friends are busy. they're trying too hard to strike a pose. insecurity is feeling threatened by ambitious plans and an open road.

truth was derailed by a free capitalistic market, and babies are crying in the middle of the street. the vultures circle around their prey and enjoy feeling accomplished and elite. they watch over the gates of their pyramids while profiteering from their greed just as the salvation army is salvaging what they can to help people eat. the church collects your hard-earned tithes in exchange for your imaginary soul. they'll give you eternal life after death as opposed to what's supposedly below. all the fiction of the world can't teach you how to think with a rational mind, and the instant you feel empathy, be prepared to be left far behind.

emotional blackmail is performed by everyone. it doesn't matter who you think you are. you'll try to write it off as a business expense, but the accounting would be too hard. the incessant need for attention is only outshadowed by fear. crossed the finish line to find instead that the end's not even near, and while you're trying to figure out which direction is for you, the water is not yet hot enough to boil so let it soak on through. an electric current is consigned here, but i'm the only one who knows. dust and people gather as the widowed lady grows old. they were breathing in the gutter so things must be alright. if you're going nowhere, don't forget to turn off the light.

he leaves his former self in a vaccuum of self-pity and destitution. pretty faces linger everywhere, and they're not offering cold solutions. he dances around his feelings and offers up words that sink in quicksand. they know it's love, but they're not sure what that means in the age of modern information on demand. their love makes me feel nauseous because i can't understand my twisted fate. it's impossible to imagine. it's my excuse for arriving late. conversation was a phantom that could easily pass for a grain of salt, but the hospital stay was at my expense. of that, there is no fault.

piece together what you can of a silent movie with no known ending and meet me up in the static airwaves of all the things i keep pretending. i feigned sickness to make it out alive; to assure myself of another day.

i made it out alive, but i still don't know what to say.

(0283) intensity

2010-10-23T23:22:00.003-05:00

the delusion has filled up its appetite, and melody has rotted away. while the young can't see through their pretense as their innocence was never there, the unstoppable can't be disregarded because change doesn't come at a natural pace. age breaks the mirror with apathy, and the subtleties are all we have left. blame the other person in front of you while you stand in line and wait your turn... we've all been inflicted with inner discord and lack the intensity that we crave, but as long as i'm paying in virtual currency, i'll never have to unlearn.

trade up your costs for your memories, and don't drive until you're fully awake. the movements that carry me closer are the same ones that push me away. fixed all your problems using denial and coincidence in spite of your actions, but in transparency, you'll fail like the rest of them. you'll look to your faith for what you wanna see and hear as a ton of bricks lays waste to all that is near. perceive lost blood as a wasted effort just because the wind decided to change. weather dictates your mood in the same way that i've learned to adapt. people are dying like flies, but then maybe that's all that we are. you'll stand in the middle with your cellular phone and chirp like the birds of disease.

car crash leaves me speechless in the echo of what i wish i could say. dream of a love for eternity and dream of death at the end of each day.

this air is swallowing the sea.
this water is making me feel green.
this moment is not unlike the rest, but i've never had to pass a harder test.
i listen close while moving down the road,
and i start to turn as soon as i see the curve.

it's all the same.
it's all the same.
it's all the same,
and i haven't changed,
but i feel changed.

(0282) filtered time-lapse

2010-10-22T02:05:00.003-05:00

and i can only hope that my eyes will hold their focal point.

split in a filtered time-lapse, the mind is a horrible control.
we don't have the proper perspective because we will never grasp ahold...
of all of the things we wish
to know.

shared experience is a prerequisite. it's something you'll never be able to prescribe
so look through a different lens because it just takes way too much time...
and we'll
never arrive.

i stayed up all night and day
just to mix a little time.
i stayed up all night and day
just to try to unwind.

i'm beginning to recognize the past. i'm beginning to recognize my demise.
remember the things that we lost and remember there's no difference in the sky.
hear our voices
as they rise.

dust is to equal us out, and equations are only made to distract.
they were left to be buried in mass graves with their vanished souls ever so intact.
the question is will you be
covering up your own tracks?

i stayed up all night and day
just to see what i could find.
i stayed up all night and day
just to straighten out my mind.

(0281) sign language in irrational time

2010-10-14T05:58:00.005-05:00

wrecked in the morning, my car gives no warning of its slow demise.
i looked over a cloud, and i heard no sounds as you went racing by.

gone. like the person in the center of the picture frame. i was wrong.
i never made sure anybody was safe
from the desolation in the air.
all this time, i just enjoyed pretending that you cared.

brother's an asshole; i stand in the shadow of his holiness.
he reads none of the books, but he's got all the looks. they think he's perfect.

dead. that's what she told me out of nowhere that day... but i never wept.
everything must surely end, they say.
i try to tell myself i should be grateful.
but what, am i supposed to now believe in angels?

lost in my dream, i stay asleep like a fiend because it feels nice.
i dreamt of love like it was going out of style and didn't want to think twice.

fake. what you make believe is not how it is... at least not for me.
impulses only lead you to stray from happiness.
seems like i'm always looking over my shoulder.
i guess this is how you're supposed to think as you get older.

he performs using sign language in irrational time.
there are some types of beauty you'll probably never see in your life so come on. get high.

blood. taste the rainbow as it arcs from the sky. let it flood.
first one drowned in the attic is the rotten egg. shall we die? .. now or later?

(0280) functional dissonance

2010-10-09T01:30:00.002-05:00

every city was racing you, but they can't fit inside your shoes. the distant fear is deep inside my eyes, but they'll know me after my demise.

it wasn't how we planned it out. it wasn't how we thought it'd sound.

cast on your shadow and let it hang. those fifteen minutes are still caught up in my brain.

filtered through this radio and somehow washed away like rain, but there's no stopping vertigo when it makes you look under a train. when i start over, there's nothing left. take it up and pull it down. let me know what you have kept.

books and words won't show you life.
failed the test, but i never had to hide.

(0279) folding halfway

2010-10-03T05:00:00.003-05:00

i was absorbed in my skin, and she was absorbed into all those dreamy fiction stories.
maybe that's why i should've known better, and maybe that's why it quickly became so hopelessly boring.
the three years that we knew each other - what a waste of time and endless amounts of money.
it gave a whole new meaning to defective by design while we were both under the influence of different things.
we spent our time alone in our heads while living together in the same empty house.
a tragic comedy of what happens when you dream big but don't have the desire to work it out.

they're looking neither backwards nor forwards. they're looking at a television or computer screen.
with a hook in their mouths, they swim right along until they've been sufficiently entertained and put to sleep.
in their dreams, they make love to movie stars, and when they wake up, they can't seem to even get out of bed.
another year. another fixation fulfilled in order to ignore your own head.

(0278) visionary sellouts

2010-10-02T05:46:00.004-05:00

distant in your pretense, beautiful, meet me in a blue sky. for that, i've got nothing but my time to waste. september leaves me in a starry-eyed dream place - hypnosis where your eyes can't help but come undone. adjust the sequencing of my frequency for the immediate response of silence and disinterest, but thanks to a friend, i can't forget the second law. sometimes, i like to pretend things are just the way they seem.

innocent was always just a vivid summer day in the early '90s chicago of my youth. a million sounds carry me far away until i feel lost, but it doesn't matter as long as it's the truth. i'll only go to sleep when the time is right to. there are no shades of gray inside my head. the only surfaces i never seem to stick to are dissolving quickly in my sense of dread.

forget everything you've ever learned and start holding on to the things you love and need. undress your secret in the back of this vague institution and cut your time signature for more melody. we're visionary sellouts, and we're free for the taking. we might be faking, but you'll never tell either way. gone away are my fast creative reflexes. here to stay are doubts that serve to lead me astray.

money is tight, and we'll probably have a few more seizures. let's try to break even on this false perception. fate is not concerned with financial obligation. please speak up because i have faulty reception. identity mistaken for what was never even offered. confusion might as well just be my wife. my art will never distinguish between what's real and what's obsession. always remember to use a gun if you can't find a knife.

what was hungry is now starved to death. what was winded is now out of breath.

static electricity has brought us this far, but i wouldn't count on any more shooting stars.

(0277) reconstruction landscape

2010-10-01T05:05:00.001-05:00

sheets cover our bodies. gotta make ourselves alive now. breathe into my broken lungs air that suffocates me somehow. the clock just hangs on your blank face until you're passing out unnoticed. when will i sever the silence? is it supposed to stay? when will i ever notice these words you'll never say? cut the phonelines, close the windows, close the blinds, and remember to remind yourself to stay calm.

hemorrhaging in full effect. gotta keep ourselves alive now. creeeping thoughts come creeping in. am i still lost? and will i ever be found? this parasite, like a blinking light, keeps us awake all day and night. reconstruct the outer limits. don't be afraid to stray. reconnect the vital circuits. times like these are not the times to pray. turn the car on, fasten your seatbelt, check your mirrors, and remember to remind yourself to stay calm.

--

understand there's no demand except your demand to fully understand all. cardiac arrest, and i go numb as little holes are punctured by the surgeons. imaginary soul is found for all to see and to believe because a real god has no need to intervene nor to be seen.

and i'll happily await my turn without fear nor concern about being eternally tortured and burned.
it's a scandal and a myth so please, let the court now be adjourned.

--

the lights conceal my pain.
a nervous breakdown from within
has got me turned around and found me in this sedative.

she hides away from me.
an apparition in disguise.
i look away too soon while secretly sharpening my eyes.

i mistake myself for you
my eyes are certainly not blue.
with resistance, i look away.

the strangest thing is not the fact that i've been here before.

rather, it's the endless trail of nothing that's led me to this door

where i'll stand here in the fog of all that helps keep me distracted and hungry for more.